Can a broken trust be regained? Is there any process of regaining broken trust?
Often time’s people say; you broke my trust, you betrayed our friendship. Will I ever trust again? You will agree with me that; trust is very fragile and, that is why once broken, it is very nigh impossible to redeem. We all know that a healthy relationship is based on Trust and Respect.
Some time ago, I had an experience that broke my heart completely (it was a difficult time for me). There are days I sit and cry. Someone I truly valued and needed to be in my life and whose value I held in high esteem betrayed my trust. (I will share the story some other time).
Trust is not something you give free until you can establish someone’s actions. Once they betray the trust, it is near impossible to regain. As humans, most times, we do things that hurt those we love and care about, in the process; we lose their trust in us.
I have come to realize that; whenever people take their eyes off the big picture and are led by their fleshly emotions and instincts or are too analytical by nature, they start finding faults in the intentions of others. So there is inclined to be a very narrow self-interest and less good focus. However, if the appropriate step is applied, trust can be restored, but it depends entirely on the efforts of both parties to rebuild that trust.
Building trust is a process. And usually, when two people meet, they know next to nothing about each other. It takes time, effort, and action, to build trust in you. These days, people are not very trustworthy not only in relationships but in general.
How to re-build trust
When we talk about rebuilding trust, that means it was once there but lost along the line, and now we need to get it back. When someone you love or are close to betrays your trust, it is often a difficult walk. It may seem the whole world is against you. Learning to build trust after a breakup is a process, First and foremost; you have to:
- Forgive them, as forgiveness does not say what they did is okay, but it frees you from the burden of carrying that pain with you.
- Communicate what your intentions are.
- Be open about your day-to-day comings and goings with this person to give them the necessary peace of mind to trust you.
- Give people importance, not too much importance. Just stand by them in tough times and emergencies without keeping expectations.
- Be genuine; do not shy away from your flaws. Be original, do not be perfect.
- Make others believe that you are always there for them and you will not leave them in the middle of their journey.
- Do not hide the truth. A person can lie if it harms nobody but, if you are lying for your gain, it is ill-mannered, and one can tell them for your behavior.
- Be kind, humble, respectful, understanding, a good listener, empathetic, and a person of values.
- Never talk ill about others.
- Never share information not meant for public consumption.
- Transparency & vulnerability
Rebuilding trust with most people is usually pretty simple. Just be honest, competent, reliable, empathetic, kind, generous, humble, and discrete. Just be true to your words. Never make promises you cannot fulfill. Admit your limitations and accept them display. These qualities will make the majority of people trust you. You must know without trust, no relationship exists so, for your relationship to continue, you have to not only believe but also make he/her already trust you.
Listen, the more you let the issue of the broken trust go unchallenged, the result will be pain and estrangement. One thing you must understand is; so long as you do not forgive, the pain and mistrust will continue like a festering sore.
Most times, it takes a long time to rebuild the trust, even way longer than it did the first time around. So, If you think you are honest and your partner should automatically trust you, sorry! It is not a very admirable way of thinking. You need to put effort and create examples to get them to trust you.
Every time you betray your partner’s trust, you have to rebuild it. Rebuilding requires careful listening, being honest, truthful, loyal, and never doing whatever you did that betrayed the trust. Also, remember that honest confession and repentance are both good for the soul. Your partner does not need detail because it only makes it harder to move on, but you must learn to be honest from that moment.
When you are facing issues in your relationships, you must both work together to fixing them. Working together, you will form an enduring relationship that will allow both of you to be yourselves and to trust each other. With trust becoming the basis of your relationship, you will have the partnership you have always wanted.
Written by: Julia Jonathan