In times like this when all we see and hear are failed marriages and relationship, one starts to wonder, where did we missed it? The painful truth is; most of those things we see are little signs we ignore from the onset. We push them aside thinking it’s something we can handle at the long run we end up in regrets.
How do you know when you’ve met the right one?
At some point in our lives, we are faced with the question; unfortunately, very few people are privileged to get a concrete answer. If you are reading this article, I’d say congratulations! because you are definitely one of the lucky few.
Interestingly, the criteria for choosing a spouse are much but I will center this article on the four key characteristics. If you find or you are currently dating somebody with all four then it’s highly likely that you’ve found your life partner.
What is This Person’s Core Values?
Just like organization are fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard; when choosing a partner you will want to know the core value of the person. One thing i realize is, everyone has some kind of core value that is central to their personality when push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most important thing in the world to that person. Most times getting to know a person we start asking them question, we want to know their likes and dislikes, what they do for fun and so on.
Take for instance you met someone who loves adventure. One funny thing you must know about adventure is, it changes. Today I may love to go mountain climbing and tomorrow I may decide to volunteer at the elderly home. Here is an example;
Imagine me dating a guy and he is crazy about me, he believes I am the one, I have a heart of gold because of the way I care for the elderly ones. He loves the way I spend my spare time. The truth is, i might not really have a heart of gold but volunteering is my own way of adventure. I want to know the way old people behave at that age, i am curious to know. The guy in question may be having his own thoughts about me but one thing he fails to understand is; I am volunteering because of my love for adventure. The old homes are filled with lots of happy moment and it is exciting. Now, that could change at any moment, i might stop volunteering, and start trying other adventures, what then happens to the beautiful thoughts my boyfriend has wrapped around his fingers, he may now find me unpleasant, dangerous, or even unethical.
So how do you get to know the true me?
Surprisingly, it’s not that difficult. No matter what a person’s core value is, you will see him or her sacrificing for it on a daily basis. If my core value is adventure, then i might arrive late at work because I saw a lot of people gather around a magician performing and I joined the crowd.
If you follow carefully, you will see that i place adventure above other important things on my list of priorities. But if my core value is goodness, then will see me give up on certain things in order to be kind.
For example, if the waiter mixes up my order, I will tell them politely and if it cannot be replaced I will eat the dish anyway or I might be late to work because i helped an little old lady home with her groceries. If you follow me carefully, then you will see how I let go of some of my own desires in order to take care of other people needs.
So look for someone who is committed at the core to a higher set of values that you can appreciate.
Does This Person Treat Others Well?
Number two is obvious: everyone wants to be treated with love and respect. I believe you want to marry someone who is going to take care of you and treat you well. How do you figure it out? Simple; Spend time with this person and pay attention to how they treat others around them, most especially those they do not necessarily care about because they are not trying to charm them. Example;
Do they thank the attendant who pumped gas for them? Are they courteous to people at checkout counters? Do they curse out people who do not deliver on time, like telephone operators or overworked waitresses? Do they tend to drive aggressively, as if there’s no one else on the road? How does he/she treat their secretary or personal assistant?
Ask yourself questions like these and take note of the answers because they reflect characteristics that will come out down the line. Most times people tend to show their true nature with the way they treat people that are below them. They do not guard themselves so carefully that they will hide how they treat others. So watch out for them and you will know how they are going to treat you after you are married.
Do We Communicate Well With Each Other?
In other words, make sure that you understand each other. This may seem obvious, but it’s not. You must have heard that; communication is the bedrock of a successful relationship.
Sometimes you see a couple engage in a fight and they argue for an hour, two hours, maybe even overnight. And then, at the end of round 12, it turns out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding: Oh, I thought you meant that, that’s not what you meant? Oh, then we agree.
Although on an occasional basis this can happen to anyone but if it’s happening constantly then it’s not a good sign because that may not change when you marry. If you are constantly misunderstanding each other, then you might want to put this relationship on hold for a while.
Are We Physically Attracted to Each Other?
Physical attraction is an essential part of marriage. Do not marry someone if you are not physically attracted to them. And while men arrive at this conclusion somewhat quickly, women should give themselves some more time. Very often, a woman may not feel attracted to a man initially, but after she gets to know him she finds him much more attractive than before.
A word of caution;
Although physical attraction is essential, you must not base a marriage on that. Whatever is going on physically is meant to be an expression of something deep that is happening on the emotional and spiritual level. The rule is make sure that physical attraction is there, but do not get swept away by it. The other three characteristics are just as important, if not more so.
So there you have it. The next time you date someone, I want you put what you have learned here into practice. It will save you a lot of time and heartache, and you might find yourself walking down the aisle faster than you think.
Written by: Jonathan Juliana