Sometime ago, I wrote a short piece on bringing sexy back to our relationship. Few days back, a thought crossed my mind on expanding the short work a little so here it is.

Are you having a hard time keeping the love and romance alive in your relationship?

First and foremost, we all know relationships require continuous efforts and maintenance. Relationship is like clay; you can mold them into any shape you want. And then paint them to turn them into beautiful piece of art. But if you apply too much pressure to it, it will lose its shape. It can also break quite easily; all it takes is you to drop it. Always bear this in mind, you can’t expect a great relationship out of mediocre level of efforts you give in. it’s a give and take. What you give is what you expect.
One of the greatest things one can have in life is “CONFIDENCE”. Did you know a confident lady is a sexy lady? I’m in a group on Facebook theketo group”, and I know a confident lady when I see one. Most times, just losing a little pound of flesh, you see them sharing the picture on the groups page to encourage other members.

Now being confident is not only about you losing weight but the way you carry yourself. A good example is Oprah Wilfred. That lady is a confident lady and is greatly admired by many and I am one of her biggest fan. You don’t have to be a size two to be confident. all you need is to be  comfortable in your skin.

So you have three kids and you want to look like a bag of rice. No problem but don’t be worried if your husband begins to find you unattractive. Do you realize that it is a beautiful thing to see a woman with her kids who somehow tries to stay sexy and not tired, frustrated or angry at the world and her husband for giving them kids?

Being a mom and a wife we all know is not a piece of cake. The different stages of a child’s development can make one go mad even though we feel mothers have in-built madness resistors that keep them from going insane because of their kids……lol. Mothers are the best, they are exceptional and we all know this. It time we bring sexy back. Do not wait till junior is 23 to start biko, the girls them aren’t smiling. They are also waist training to enhance their waists. Remember, men are attracted to what they see first.

No matter who you are whether you have been dating for some time or you have been married for months or years, it doesn’t really matter. People always believe the longer the relationship gets; gradually, they start losing passion for each other. Or maybe because you’ve been together for ages then you start seeing her as a sister or him as a brother. Which is not supposed to be so.

I recall my siblings and I always saying that the longer a couple stay married together, they gradually look alike facially…

The fact that you’ve been together for a decade or more does not mean you start losing the spark in your relationship which is not supposed to be. Why lose the excitement and hunger for each other?
Most independent people, in the process of building their career, goals and aspiration they get to a point where they feel they no longer need their spouse. Or the changes the females experience in their body after childbirth, they feel they are no longer sexy as they used to before the wonderful journey bring forth a life. I know you have the kids home work to assist them with, you have the food to prepare and  of cause, your home has to be tidy as well etc. You feel the responsibility are just too much for you to handle, most times after the whole routine you jump on the bed like a log of wood and the same routine continues the next day but that does not mean you let that sexy part of yours slip by.

Wouldn’t it be nice to bring back that spark that’s been missing in your relationship? I know sometimes life gets in the way, you have your career, you have your kids and family to take care of and we often loose it because we are focused on the other things we have forgetting the fact that our husbands/ boyfriends needs the sexy woman they fell in love with from the onset.

You may want to read my article on: Sex in marriage

The question now is, how do I bring sexy, the fun, the intensity, the fire and the hunger back into my relationship?

The first on my list is;

THROUGH COMMUNICATION: I always tell people to tell their spouses what works for them. can you recall before the kids arrived, your partner was your gossip mate? You talk about everything, what then happened? You automatically switched from the loving romantic partners to old fashion traditional lovers, you now focused on some basic things in life and  lose sight or focus on the simple things. Learn to always communicate with your partner. Remember when you were courting, you basically shared everything with them; they are the first people you tell success and worries even your sexual preference so, what happened? Communication is a way of bringing sexy back to our day to day life. Tell them what works for you and what you desire, do those things together once again.


TALK ABOUT SEX: Remember when you first started the relationship, the physical intimacy was an integral part of the relationship, it’s was like the foundation stone! So what happened? You now have a roaster on the number of time to have sex and you totally skip the sex discussion in your conversation. Hmm! Read books about sex and tell your partner your findings.  It won’t bite to try new adventures. Don’t you think so? If you omit “sex” and “sex talks” from your relationship, the relationship gradually dies and in some cases it ceases to exist! talk about it. It keeps the spark” alive. Otherwise you’d be bored to death by those same things over and over again! And by talking about “SEX”, I don’t mean discuss or fantasize it, just simple, plain flirt, tease each other and be naughty just for your partner.

LEARN TO COMPROMISE: Nobody is perfect and there is no way you will get someone who thinks and behaves 100% as you. You must learn to let go of certain things and accept certain things
Take time for yourself: Let me ask you, when was the last time you gave your spouse a surprised romantic dinner? Go on dates, take your bath together. Do those little things you use to do for each other before you became engrossed with your career or before the kids arrived, bear in mind; it was the two of you before the kids came. Bring back everything you use to do, remember those things you use to do in the beginning? Those things that made it fun, rewind and do those same things once again.

AFFECTION: Always let them know you love and care about them, do not assume they know, they are not magicians so, they do not read minds. what are those natural routine you normally do before now? When was the last times you said “thank you” to them even when a little gesture was done? When was the last them you paid them a surprised visit at work, bringing lunch and small gift to them? Those things that comes naturally without you planning or putting much effort?  Or those things you do consistently, like giving them a warm welcome whenever  they arrive home, have you ever thought of adding a little fun to it? When was the last time you acknowledge them by letting them know how much you appreciate them?

PLAN A SURPRISED DINNER: Take the kids to their grandparents for the weekend and make sure you have all the fun you possibly can have, go to the movies, go clubbing, go to the spa for massage, make it look like you just meeting for the first time. Dress sexy for him, avoid cloths that would make him see you as a grandma lol…. Give yourself a good make over and have him wait for you at the dinner table. when you walk in, one thing I will promise you is this; he won’t take his eyes off you even for one second all through that dinner. He will be having wild imaginations while having dinner.


Finally, before other women, he chose you so you have to keep him till the end. Do not be deceived,  there really is a silent competition. You may not know it but it is out there. You were his girlfriend once, remain his girlfriend forever. Keep the wife title aside, get your girlfriend game on and bring sexy back sweetheart!


Image: Stock photo

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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