7 Turnoffs That Make Good Men Leave Great Women

Hey ladies, get in here, I got something for y’all.

Have you ever imagine meeting a person who’s got the perfect hair, the perfect body, perfect look, perfect work ethic, is always happy, never seems to struggle internally and externally, and lives life as if she’s got the answers all figured out yet she finds  it difficult keeping a good man?

It’s even more abnormal that most people, who are on the pursuit to find love, pretend to live the “I have everything sorted out” kind of life full of extremely false existence. Yes she is good, she’s got her life planned out and intact yet she failed in one aspect, the relationship aspect. There are vast majority of people, who, unfortunately, hide flaws to appear like the example I just gave.

Gone are those days when they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, these days; the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his purpose. If you are lucky enough to find a man who is pursuing a goal, rather than pursuing a woman, he is a keeper, so long as you are helping him fulfill that purpose.

Some people want a shoulder to cry on, and someone to run to when they need to talk about problems. Then there are some who are mentally capable of taking advantage of obstacles, and rarely have problems to deal with. What is most intolerable is someone who is willing to freely express emotionally unstable behavior, but completely lack the capacity to be aware of their own actions.

Generally, being rude and acting too good for the world are traits men can’t stand in a girl. Funny enough some will spot these traits right away while it takes some time to see them. Most guys are great with body language. They like pretty girls and can also tell when a girl KNOWS she’s pretty and acts accordingly. Most people misunderstand the word arrogance for confidence. Every man love a confident woman but they hate it when they feel controlled.

For instance;

When a guy orders for a barbecue, he sure is getting a barbecue why? Because he knows what he ordered. If he had one too many drinks, they are better ways to suggest that he’s had enough without you yelling and calling him names. For example, with a smile or you can as well offer him a bottle of water. Don’t get mad and tell him off.  Relationship is an equal partnership. Remember the golden rule; Treat me like you want to be treated.

Apart from having an appealing character, trait by itself also betrays shortsightedness. Someone on the internet put it nicely “if she’s nice to you but she’s not nice to the waiter – she’s not a nice person”. It’s as simple as that. We all know men are more attracted by beauty. This is because men need women to be able to carry his progeny.

Everyone has his turnoff and Mr. A’s turnoff is definitely going to be different from Mr. B. The truth is this, there are no two human beings are alike, so there is no single turnoff for every man. However, there are some proven points that turn men off. Even if you are considered to be highly attractive, doing any of these 7 things will instantly turn a good man off:

NEGATIVITY: 

Life is like roller-coaster, I know. But if you are always in distress and have an overall negative attitude about life men will runway from you. Do you know you can still maintain a sunny outlook when you are surrounded by so much cruelty and selfishness? No one likes to be around negativity, it’s true. And if you are a WOMAN who dares to commit the cardinal sin of not being happy 24/7, you are going to pay the price. That negativity will end up driving potential partners away, one after the other.

PSEUDO FEMINISM:

Gender equality is everywhere which is not a bad idea every time (this is what I support) and we have come to accept the gender roles that society currently has.  Most educated men that I have come across these days understand this and treat the women in their life likewise. You do not need to scream feminism at him. You do not need to demand preferential treatment in the name of equality. You cannot be claiming gender equality if you expect the hubby to pay all the bills while all your salary remains untouched and unused.

ULTIMATUMS:

This sounds controlling and it is just another form of blackmail.  Do you know, you can define yourself without demanding anyone else change? Yes you can; they just won’t get the same access to you. It is understandable you want to stay and you may even love that person. If you are going to resort to this, you need to be prepared for the outcome not going your way! If people resort to such it is clear that there is no respect for their partner.  There are different types of ultimatum, if the ultimatum is about an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, then I would say yes it is welcome, because here the person giving the ultimatum is thinking about a future together that is productive and harmonious. But the ultimatum of indirectly dragging the man to the alter is a big NO.

INABILITY TO HOLD A CONVERSATION:

One trait that is not only a turnoff  but also drives men nuts is a lady inability to have a good conversation that does not involve someone they know, some personal anecdote, or trivial information and gossip that related to their co-workers.

VICTIM ATTITUDE:

This victim mentality is very destructive. Often women suffer from it more than men. The problem is it stops people from growing and becoming better because they never truly accept responsibility for anything. They believe everything in their life happens automatically and they have no control over their outcome.

INSECURITY:

Women are so insecure about many things and among them their “boyfriends” tops the list. They love to test if their boyfriends are “really” caring, affectionate and are true to them. This involves a lot of testing, which, in turn involves a lot of drama. This results to that person, who is otherwise very fond of her, all of a sudden he begins to dislike her.

VULGARITY:

This varies individually, for some men, when they are in public or at parties with a girl; there are some restrictions as to what they are comfortable with. The same goes for formal occasions.

For instance;

If a game is being played and he loses, it’s okay to taunt  and call him silly names, he is likely going to laugh. At the least, and be strongly encouraged to request a rematch.

Some people love it when a girl just let herself go and speak her mind openly and honestly without restrictions when they are alone or with good friends.  But with family around and she’s cussing up a storm, it is a definitely a turnoff.

Everyone just has a flavor that they can handle.  For Some, being outright aggressive may seem preferred by a male-centric audience which itself may use outright aggressiveness, but it doesn’t make one “better” than the other.

Being abusive is another turnoff for men, Sometimes men deal with it because they like the drama and then a very unhealthy and shitty relationship ensues. She doles out more fail-fail tests and abuse gets traded back and forth. Relationships implode and the woman thinks she’s unlucky or that all men are assholes. But it is what she was chasing to begin with by self-sabotaging potentially good relationships (those guys left) and leaving herself with other unhealthy people to date.

For most men, a woman who is ignorant, willfully, who is unable to question events and ideas, who is not curious and rejects critical thinking, and who glorifies irrationality is a big turnoff. Men want someone who actually has the audacity to do something new or spontaneous. if all you can do is fit in, great. Not many others will notice you because 98% of the people are trying to do the same thing.

If you yourself are living a mundane life, have no real goals, and instead of helping him fulfill his goals, you would rather nag about non-issues and problems that do not exist  because you have nothing better to do with your mind, that man will not have or make time for any form of relationship with you. And he most definitely will be turned off.

So next time you are wondering why that wonderful lady friend of yours is always loosing great relationships, I think you should take a close look at her and give her a honest advice.

Written by: Juliana Jonathan

Photo credit: StockStutter Image.

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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