AVOIDABLE MISTAKES IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

Long distance relationship can actually be healthier than close proximity relationships but to most people it’s like a taboo, an abomination. We all have different preference and I, individually love long distance relationships even though seven out of ten percent of them have not been successful, I still prefer them to the close proximity relationships I’ve ever had, reasons are; I need time to myself, I easily get bored with people so I prefer them being far than staying close by.

Are you thinking of stopping here? Why not read on.

Whenever a relationship (be it long or short distance) fails, there is this heart wreaking pains that follows, I will show you those little but avoidable mistake I made in my LDR, how to avoid them and when to call it quit before you get hurt.

Just as the name implies, long distance requires huge effort. It requires empathy and patience. Long distance relationship has its own pros and cons. One of the biggest reasons for long distance relationships becoming strained (and stand the risk of failing) is the lack of space. I know, that sounds a bit ironic; LONG DISTANCE but LACK OF SPACE.

While there is physical distance, it becomes easy to succumb to the desire to overcompensate for it. There’s a need to constantly talk and overshare. We try to steal as many moments as possible. It feels welcome at first, but is almost guaranteed to slowly become suffocating. The seeds of resentment will be sowed. The truth is this; you need to set boundaries early on and without fear of showing your values for fear of loss.

One thing I’ve learnt in relationship whether long or short distance is to remain emotionally detached. I believe it’s redundant to try keeping your partner with you by worrying or following him/her. Why not try letting go off things once in a while and not being self-absorbent all the time? Try to understand one another and their situations before having an impulsive reaction. You just have to learn to trust each other, as well as never try to smother one another with your insecurities.

Below are some little mistakes to avoid in a long distance relationship;

Mistakes to avoid in a long distance relationship

Worrying too much: It’s not worth it, and it makes both parties involved anxious. I mean, you just have to let things go. If you’re meant to be together, you will be together.

Avoid making your partner an option: When your partner becomes one of the options, you relationship must be heading towards slow death unless you work hard to strengthen it.

Do not center your life on them: You must understand you have your everyday life to live and so do they, do not build your world around them. If you do, trust me; when that relationship ends, you will feel the weight of the world on your shoulder and then gradually, depression will creep in.

Avoid blames: This is a silent killer of relationships. It’s ok; you don’t see each other daily why add more disadvantages to it? Mind you, it’s already a distance relationship so stop trying to make the distance wider by playing the blame game. Stop coming up with the sentence, you don’t want to spend time with me. You did this or that. It kills relationship faster than you can imagine.

Avoid doubts: I know most times its difficult but you just have to build your mind on positivity. Be optimistic about the relationship, avoid the “what if” words.

Avoid talking to them on a regular basis on phone: Avoid the daily video calls and constant text; I know you may want to use that as a compensation for the distance but it’s a terrible mistake. He/she has a life, give them space so they can do those things that will actually help your being together faster. Do not feel like you need to talk to them daily.

In my long distance relationship, we talk for hours while he is on his way to work and when he gets to work we text for hours all day. Then the calls stopped coming and I felt he was drifting, the text reduce and I was paranoid. Trust me you don’t want to be in that position, its hell.

Avoid pointing out flaws: Everyone’s got flaws and you just have to accept them just the way they are. Stop pointing out their flaws and also feel you can change them.

Avoid being super needy: Do not depend too much on them, yes you are in this “relationship” together but you should learn to stand for yourself. A song writer said; there is nothing as sexy as woman that wants me but don’t need me. Work on being that woman/man.

Can I tell you a secret? When you are having an online relationship and they don’t see a need for visiting within 6 months of texting, then you are simply wasting your time. They may be using you to fill a part of their life that is missing trust me; you don’t want to be anybody rebound. Such people are not a good catch. And you should avoid them like a plague.

KNOWING WHEN TO END IT
These days, people fall out of love much faster than they fall in love. Ending a relationship is not always an easy thing to do, it takes guts to end any relationship whether it is long distance or short one. Everything has to come to end one day. It depends on both the persons involved in it. Here is a clue; If you think that it is going nowhere or it can’t even lead to something meaningful and the other person is not willing to put in the effort as much as you do. Then I think it is the time to end it. Below are signal showing when to end a long distance relationship;

  1. When you have stopped seeing a future with them, or never did in the first place.
  2. When the time you talk is mostly about trying to solve communication gaps.
  3. When misunderstandings continue to crop up and increase the distance you already have.
  4. When they are not the first one that appear in your mind when you want to share a good news.
  5. When the trust and loyalty starts to take a back seat, and the desire to be with someone physically closer takes over.
  6. When it distracts you from your goals and you mess up your priorities.
  7. When it just doesn’t make sense anymore.

People in Long distance relationship must always be honest to one another about their feelings, emotions and whereabouts. If you will not communicate, it’ll only leave the other person to imagine things. And they will always imagine the worst of a situation. When feelings are hidden from each other, trust are broken. You are supposed to share your happy moments or sad moments together. When you’re down you let them know and not keep it to yourself. Can I say something? when your beloved is accompanying you then you can enjoy the happy moments and also overcome dark phase of your life

In order for a long-distance relationship to work, both parties have to be absolutely committed to being faithful. If you are feeling this is too difficult a commitment; I will advise you to end the LDR and search for an option closer to home. It doesn’t mean you’re bad or a failure, but LDRs are really hard, and without that feeling of closeness and commitment, they can be unrealistic and unfulfilling.

 

 

Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA

Image: Stock photo

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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