Common Mistakes Single Women Make and How to Avoid Them. (part 1)

Did you know, one of the biggest mistake any woman can ever make to be in the wrong relationships?

Love is something fostered, developed, heartfelt, both rational and logical in that it is the coming together of two puzzle pieces to fit. If it is an ill fit, if the edges are rough in the beginning, it will not stand.  

It is important to nurture a romantic relationship but we do make mistakes sometimes. I totally agree that, you might want to understand the nature of your relationship and in some cases; women often fall in love with a man only when they think his behavior and nature is right. As soon as they get into a serious relationship, they attempt to change the man. To the man, this more like a blow to a his self-esteem

There are lots of common mistakes ladies make. The reason why I call them common is because these kinds of mistakes are those we see as nothing. Most times we feel what we are doing may be helping us build our relationship but in the real sense, we are actually destroying the relationship. No matter what stage of life or the stage of the relationship, most of the issues women are having are rooted in the same mistakes.

Some of those mistakes are listed below;

The Mistake of Not Knowing Yourself and Your True Worth:

The first best thing any human being especially lady can do is to understand herself, her makeup, her being and everything that makes her unique. We are all created even though equal but never the same, no two individuals are the same, not even identical twins.  Most ladies do not know who they are, what they want in life, where they are heading to or how they want their problems of life solved.

Your self-worth is the value you assign to yourself and the ability in assessing yourself while self-esteem is the confidence in one’s own worth. The issue of self-confidence has made a lot of women to become second Fidel in life that is why you see a beautiful lady agreeing to marry even as a fifth wife.

Do you know the value you place on yourself determines the level you get to in life?

The mistake of not knowing yourself will make you easily influenced and pushed around. Ladies, don’t you know you are Royalty? Most ladies cannot make a choice of their own without allowing people like parents, pastors and friends decide for them. They cannot make concrete decision on their own.

Remember we are learning the common mistakes we make as single ladies now, how can we overcome the mistake of not knowing yourself and your true worth? 

Let’s make it practical; take a pen,

  • Write out your name, 
  • Your best qualities, 
  • What you love about yourself,
  • What you don’t like about you, 
  • What you have achieved in life, 
  • What you will want to achieve in the nearest future.

Listen;

Do not boost of negative attitude. I feel pained each time I see people boast of negative attitude. Why will you boost of being temperamental? If you are a man, would you want to marry you as a woman? Is your character good enough to be a marriage material? Why will you boost in lying or sleeping around? If there are things you do not like about yourself, it’s time to start working on them.

Mistake of not living your life to the fullest because you are single

Most single ladies have given up on life. You hear them say, what I am living for? The worst thing anyone can do is to believe that getting married will solve the problem you are facing as a single lady. It is very important to note that singlehood is a stage in life and needs to be lived joyfully, and fully. Make use of this stage of your life very well.  God allowed you to be in this level because you are being groomed for a purpose, it is for a higher assignment.

Someone said, being married and lonely is better than be single and lonely. Hello! 

Most people who are married and lonely are crying every night because what they are getting in marriage is far less than what they hoped for. Some of them are living in regrets because they missed out on the opportunity of developing themselves and the joy of enjoying their singlehood.  So while single, do all within your reach to live life to the fullest. Attend programs, travel if you can, train to the highest capacity if you can, achieve greatness if you can, once you are married, some opportunities do not present itself to you again.

If you are waiting to be married in order to solve your financial problems, I think it’s time to cut that dream, start a business, look for job now, start investment, look for ways to build yourself financially because if you are spending five times (5x)  now,  you will be spending double of it because of the of increased responsibilities. So start building yourself now and living right. Erase the thought of marriage solving your financial problems.

If you are not happy as a single lady you won’t be happy as a married woman because happiness is a thing of the mind. It is inborn.  It is something you need to give yourself, be happy because you are alive and witnessing this stage of life. 

Do not wait to be married and for a man to give you the things you need in life. You are human, aspire for greatness, go for it. Take yourself out for a treat, if you cannot take yourself out now.  What if you wait till you get married and your husband is not the going out type or maybe he is the type that likes to go out alone? Pamper yourself while you can. The measure you give yourself is what you will receive. How you value yourself is how others will value you and how you love yourself is how others will love you.

Mistake of Placing Marriage on a Pedestal next to God.

One will easily say God forbid, as in how can I place marriage at the same level as God, but the fact remains that we are doing this every now and then. Even most married people do this. Every time, you please a man at the detriment of God’s choice, you have made a choice over God. As a single Christian lady when you indulge in fornication, with a man as a means of keeping him simply because you are afraid that if you do not yield to this sexual desire, he will leave you for other girls,

Listen;

You have indirectly told God that you do not trust his words, that you cannot wait for him to take you to your man, that he is delaying the choice, that his timing is slow and that you can do it your own way, so you continue to perform marital duties to a man who has not been given authority over you. 

Being submissive is not to every man but just to your man (husband). In fact God does not recognize you being submissive to your pastor the same way he recognizes you bring submissive to your husband. So, when you go to a boy friend’s house performing a wife duty, you are dishonoring God. When you choose to love anyone in place of God, it is called idolatry, and it means placing the person in the same level of God.

What will you do if you have been making this mistake?

  • Have confident in yourself that every problem will expire including waiting long to be married. 
  • You must understand that your self-worth cannot be reduced because you are not yet married.
  • Your value does not depreciate because you are not yet married.
  • Stop putting unnecessarily pressure on yourself by forcing a man into marrying you.
  • No matter what you do, a man who does not want to marry you will not marry you even if you are pregnant with his child.
  • Trust that it is God that created you and he knows the best for you and he will give you the best of his men.

To be Continue………………………………….

Written by : Juliana Jonathan

photo credit: Ifiok Uwem

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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