Do you know, your ex qualities can be a threat to you relationship?
So, you are out from a long time relationship; no matter if he/she left you or you have left him/her. That means you are free now to do what you want to, meet who you want and whenever you want. Isn’t that right?
After a while you feel that you are ready to get in a new relationship. You might have even met a nice girl/boy who looks like he/she is interested in you. Slowly, things are getting more serious and you getting to know your new partner better. But something is bothering you, and you don’t know what it is. Than you realize that she is not doing things like you were used to, she is not doing things like your ex used to make them (it’s not about all things, but those you loved about your ex).
Guys, have you ever wondered why after chasing that lady for a long time, after she finally agreed to be your lady, you still feel something is missing? I bet sometimes you may even imagine; ‘If only I could take my ex qualities and put them next to my new partner’s qualities I would make the perfect women for me.’ Have you ever wondered how good it could be if we would be able to make the perfect woman/man? Not so good as we all think, believe me. I say it all the time, perfection is boring. You need something simultaneous once in a while, don’t you think so? I know I am not the only one with such wild imaginations…lol
The truth is;
The reason for this unpleasant feeling is because you are used to having a feminine woman, whose qualities you enjoyed all the time, it becomes difficult for you to get used to living without those things which you have experimented before and you know they no longer exist. You might be assuming they are just mere inner thoughts
Here is an instance;
I use to do the same thing when someone draws a line in my sand with a new level of love and care, which becomes my new reference point by which i would like all my future love interest to meet. I was said; i want that next someone in my life to be equal to or better than that special someone who made a difference in my life. It’s not a bad idea you know, but that’s when you start comparing people you meet.
I know comparing ourselves to our partner’s exes is very common and incredibly easy to fall prey to. After all, you will inevitably see a picture, hear a story, or worst of all, they rub it in your face (I would leave a person who did this immediately, but that’s a different topic for another day I suppose). But do you know sometimes, the comparisons have more to do with us than they do with our partner? That’s the beginning of jealousy. Don’t get me wrong, Its okay to be jealous because jealousy is a part of the natural progression of a relationship or really anything else that you like a whole lot. Do you know the reason you are still comparing your ex qualities with your present man/lady is because you’re not so sure the person you have is better than the person you had?
No matter how you try to justify it, it is very wrong to compare a partner with an ex-partner.. The person you are with is a different individual entirely.. if you are comparing it maybe that you are transferring and ‘transference in psychology is applied when you think your new partner is doing something the old partner may have done.. But in reality they are doing nothing at all. In a situation like this, don’t you think maybe you need some time to get over your ex-partner?
Maybe you like a certain type of looks, so they might be similar in that aspect. Some would even go as far as telling the boyfriend/girlfriend about the looks and that start making the lady/man feel insecure. You should like your partner for his/her personality and character most especially if he/she is a real deal. Believe me, everyone is unique in his/her own way.
Here are some questions for you if you still find yourself comparing your ex with your present partner;
- Have you personally grown as an individual after your last relationship? (eg, are you much better, more successful, wiser, healthier, an happier person?
If the answer to that question is “No” the person you will attract will not be as good as the person you had, because you are not as good as the person you were.
- Are you ready for a relationship or If you are just settling or just filling a void because you don’t have someone?
You may want to question whether or not it is wise to drag someone into a relationship you may not be ready for. If you decide that you are not better than whom you were, focus on improving before you date, and save the young man/lady in your life now the time and energy.
A person after a breakup has to think mostly of the reasons for the breakup with his ex and not to her qualities. I am sure that you have very good reasons for breaking up with a person with whom you have spent years together.
Having Relieved yourself from your past relationship, i think its best you let your new girlfriend/boyfriend make you happy in his/her own way. Learn to enjoy your girl/boy’s qualities and personality and don’t make your ex- girlfriends/boyfriend qualities a problem for your present or future relationship.
How to stop comparing your ex to your present
- You have to stop thinking about your ex and ask your girlfriend/boyfriend just to surprise you with something that you weren’t thinking that he/she might be capable of doing.
- Stop doing regular things that you used to do with your ex, attempt something different.
- Ask him/her about the best things he/she found in living.
- what are the possibilities of having a life with you not around.
All these are just a means of trying to focus on the relationship than thinking of your ex.
If you are with the new girl/boy because she reminds you of your ex in a good way you should not be dating him/her. If he/she reminds you of him/her in bad way you should not be dating him/her. You need to think why are you with this boy/girl? Is it about the Looks, or Personality? What traits attracted you to her? How is she different? Do you actually like her, or is it that she reminds you of the ex.