I have a guy am dating but because he is into beating ladies am afraid to accept his marriage proposal this is not the first time that he is hitting me and later he will ask for forgiveness and promise never to do it again but when he is angry he does the same thing he promised not to do, sometimes he shout at me in public threatening to beat me and bragging of how and why he hit his ex’s, on his birthday he almost hit me for leaving his drink with his friends to use the rest room am sorry am bothering you with my problems he is coming for marriage am confused i don’t want him to beat me to death one day
While the answer may seem simple its actually more complicated than people think. A huge chunk of domestic violence happens because we turn a blind eye to those behaviors, inconsistent circumstances, sending a very mixed message. it’s okay to not have or want a boyfriend/girlfriend, being single is fine, and no relationship is far better than a bad relationship. Domestic violence is a form of violence that is usual among people who live together, especially families, couples or people who are dating,
Domestic violence has been around for longer than people admit and honestly it will always be because of the way people are raised. People’s personal experiences in their childhood lead up to it, especially if they witness it. They’re bullies, feed on control, and tend to beat up on those smaller/”weaker” than they are (as this is a form of control to them), so stick ’em in a cage with someone bigger than they are and see how they like it. Yes, yes, I know … not a popular idea, but getting a taste of one’s own medicine often works wonders
TYPES OF ABUSE
There are several types of abuse but I will be discussing three major ones which are;
- Physical abuse: is the abuse that causes physical harm, such as bruises, burns, bites etc.
- Emotional abuse: emotional abuse, like physical abuse, is a way for an abuser to act out when they feel angry, insecure, or out of control. It’s a form of violence, it just doesn’t involve hitting. Emotional abuse uses words and psychological manipulation to make the victim feel bad about him or herself, which gives the abuser a sense of power. Emotional abuse can be as harmful as physical abuse, both the abuser and the victim are much less likely to recognize that they are in an abusive dynamic.
- Economic abuse: Economic abuse is a form of abuse when one intimate partner has control over the other partner’s access to economic resources, thereby preventing a spouse from acquisition, such as restricting their ability to find employment, maintain or advance their careers, and acquire assets, preventing the victim from obtaining education, spend victim’s money without his or her consent and creating debt, or completely spend victim’s savings to limit available resources.
- Verbal Abuse: is when a person forcefully criticizes, insults, or denounces someone else. Characterized by underlying anger and hostility
WAYS OF COMBATING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Being a woman I am quite aware of the effects of domestic violence thus can’t be able to tolerate any such situation. Overall, the best way to protect people from domestic violence is to teach them options for how to protect their boundaries. Usually, one partner tries to intimidate the other partner by forceful physical abuses, designed to render them submissive and with absolute fear. If you’re the victim the only way to respond is to leave. Abusers rarely change and the chances of you actually changing them are minimal at best, It is a never ending cycle. Leaving is the only reaction that is heard because it shows them their behavior is not acceptable. People who are not in domestic violence situation will never understand and will think it is something similar to marital conflict.
In response to your question;
Abuse is control, blatant disrespect, and also hurtful words. Just because a person doesn’t put hands on you, that doesn’t mean they aren’t abusive. I suggest, don’t settle for physical/emotional abuse thinking it’s a habit he can easily change or you can easily adapt to. He must have grown in an abusive home were the male are meant to hit a lady to show they are in control. I’ll suggest you leave before its too late. If he can raise his hand now that you are not married, be rest assured he will do more than that when he finally marries you.
Finally, domestic violence is non-existent without cycle of abuse. It never ends and gradually worsens till the victim ends the relationship.
Written by: Juliana Jonathan
photo credit: stutter-stock.
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