Have you ever had someone try to control or even control you?
I have. Waking up every day is like waking up in hell, on repeat, day after day. And because you’re being emotionally blackmailed, you’re made to believe that nothing you do or say will ever change it. That you deserve it
Emotional blackmail can be termed as emotional exploitation too. When you are in a relationship that is not healthy you will know because there is an intention to gain power, dominance or at times feelings of insecurity.
Everyone use emotional blackmail at one point or the other. It is the most powerful tool in the arsenal of a woman. You see us crying, whimpering, talking sweetly, acting cute, tempting, pleasing, pleading; there are endless ways to bend a man to our wishes. At a point, all these become unhealthy for our relationships. You will all agree with me that nobody wants a puppet as a lover even those that went as far as engaging in a diabolical means will tell you they are not happy with what they did or the situation they find themselves.
Husbands want wives who will respect them. A lot of women get caught up in arms over the idea of submitting to their husbands, but in a healthy and loving relationship, it happens naturally. As a lady, you submit to your husband by respecting him and his decisions. He has the final say and because he respects you, you can simply change his mind.
Being emotionally blackmailed can leave you feeling insecure, fearful and anxious. Without knowing more about what is going on or the details of the emotional blackmailer. A lot of People who use emotional blackmail believe that they can manipulate others emotions so that they behave the way the emotional blacker wants the victim to. Because of the intensity of the negative feelings the (emotional blackmailer can express towards the victim, it can be quite stressful and effect your relationships and other areas of your life.
Emotional blackmailers will make you feel what they are doing for you is genuine but in reality, it is not. They truth is they discovered your vulnerability and then use it against you. They do that to control you.
I once dated a guy that emotionally blackmails me. All the while, I was thinking he was trying to work on our relationship and that would be for the best but unknown to me, it would be a decision I will forever regret. He planned it so well by first creating a huge gap between my siblings, friends and me. He often said, I do not need a third party in our relationship. When he starts blackmailing me, I would have no one to talk to because I don’t want him to get angry. It continued for a long time till I was about losing my mind. I could not take it anymore and I had to quit the relationship.
A person who wants to blackmail you emotionally will do everything to make you feel responsible for their actions.
After physically abusing you, they come around apologizing and pointing out instance to you why they hit you and how you caused it. They manipulate you to the extent you start believing YES! you deserve to be hit for being naughty.
Emotional blackmailers would try everything they can to be the center of attention They will make sure that they are the center of attention and when they don’t get the attention they yearn for, they can come up with this; “you don’t love me anymore and that’s why you are not doing this.. blah! blah!! blah!!! The best response to this is; I don’t need to prove how much I love you.”
Emotional blackmailers look for every opportunity and use it as a tool. One thing you should know about emotional abuse is this; if it’s going to happen, it will definitely happen.
When a couple splits acrimoniously, children are often used as emotional blackmail. “If you don’t do this, I won’t let you see the kids.”
Whatever this is probably has next-to-nothing to do with you and is being palmed off because the other person won’t take self-responsibility. They use most vulnerable part of their ability to shut you down and make you incapable of doing something that will not tally with their wish.
The only reason why people use emotional blackmail is because they are selfish/self-centered and they do so because they lack emotions, empathy and care. You will be surprised to know that emotional blackmail does not only happen in intimate relationships, it may as well happen with family members, business partners, friends and colleagues. The brutal truth is they see you as a tool, as a means to an end.
The only way to escape emotional blackmailers from gaining access to you is to develop a protective mental wall. Heal your insecure broken part. It could be your childhood upbringing which has made it impossible for you to take responsibility of your love approval without assigning the responsibility to others. Try to be an adult in your own body by healing yourself by so doing, you are not handing over power to people to use or heal you and in return seeking for their approval.
If you are aware of the situation(s) and person that is pushing you beyond the limit of your empathy shares a close bond with you; step away from him/her.
- If the person is threatening to hurt themselves, go to the police
- If the person is threatening to hurt you or the ones you love, go to the police
- If the person is following you, stalking you, hurting you physically or anything similar… go to the police!!
- If the person is close to you (family member), leave the house
- If the person won’t leave you alone despite the police interfering, get a restraining order
- If you love that person you just have to avoid him/her completely.
We can stop loving someone no doubt it will hurt, but it is not as painful as the thought of knowing you were being manipulated all along.
Your ability to say goodbye no matter what the relationship maybe or what you are benefiting from it is the beginning to overcoming their emotional blackmail. Remember when you put your feelings on the ground, be prepared to let people use and abuse you emotionally.
Written by: Jonathan Juliana
Image: Stutter photo