Sometimes I wonder what the afterlife would be like. Just like the scripture said, we will be raptured and we would be with God. Then after that what now happens?
Am I the only one with these weird imaginations? Few days ago, I was once again engulfed with one of these strange thoughts; how do I forget after forgiving with ease? Is it possible to forgive and forget?
Let’s say; forgiveness is possible but can we really forget?
I often jokingly tell people it’s very difficult to forget because God gave use memory.
Forgiving is the act of not holding anger or a grudge against a person for a wrong he/she has done. It is freeing them of any penalty owed, without expecting it to be paid later. Just like the blinding flash of lightening and the rumbling roar of thunder, that is how forgiveness ought to be.
Isn’t it fascinating how not one of us is absolutely perfect? We have threaded our way through life, doing the best we know how. Sure, we all have weaknesses that get the best of us at times, but for the most part; we really are doing the best we know how. And yet, after all we have done, we still find that we fall short in the consistently perfect department.
Forgetting/forgiving people are directly proportional to the role of those people in your life and the impact their act has made on you. To forgive and forget means to let it go. We may be justified in being somewhat cautious in our actions, allowing them ample time and space to prove themselves. But we also need to work on the forgetting part. That means, simply, that we do not continue to dredge up the past when it seems to support our position. We need to truly let it go.
A lot of peoples’ brain has a hard time forgetting traumatic events involving people and situations that hurt them. The feeling that the person/people involved do not care about the consequences of their actions hurts more. Often times, people who end up getting hurt or traumatized may end up committing suicide as a result without getting the closure that could prevent that. Or in the case of a perceived betrayal, people may be angry and have a hard time letting go of their emotional reactions. For instance, if someone who was raped does not get the justice, or closure that person needs to fully recover then it would be a lot harder to forgive the person who has already done damage (whether intentionally or unintentionally).
Our human nature makes it hard to forget the negative things in our life, compared to the positive things. Getting some closure, either face to face or just mentally might assist you to close this wound. The important thing is that we are willing to acknowledge our mistakes and make course corrections as needed. That is the best we can do and also that is the most we can do. Nothing more can be expected of us as we continue threading our pathway through life.
Below are few reasons why it is difficult to forget;
- Your brain has registered this as a loss, and is forever seeking for the reason behind this loss.
- Few things are irreversible and nothing can get it back to the original state.
- The scars cannot be erased fully.
- The indifferent attitude of yours depicts beyond doubt that their presence or absence meant nothing to you.
- All effort put by you to make everything alright, has gone in vain.
- The whole episode was really very hurtful.
- The castle of dreams built from the bricks of hopes and desires has collapsed forever.
- Forgiving and forgetting is easier said than done.
- As the act of forgetting, you will be unable to acknowledge whatever you must have gone through.
- Closure is needed desperately before forgiving and forgetting, and the things need to be resolved and clarified.
- You wonder, if forgiving would mean that you are giving them one more chance, when it is just next to impossible and not in your plan.
People are too sensitive and it takes time for them to heal their wound and move on, we are all human; at the end, it’s just about being human. The truth remains, the individual who was offended has a role to play in order for him or her to heal and this includes willing to forgive and forget? Ponder the true gravity of the offense.
Always keep in mind, that to leave means total life changes, and they do not always turn out for the best. Sometimes, of course, they can, in the case of leaving a truly abusive situation. But is your partner sincere in their efforts to change? Do their fruits prove the pudding?
To forget and forgive someone; you need to resolve the unresolved matter with the other person. Sometimes due to anger and ego issues we leave matters unresolved and this causes our brain to think about the particular person or incident more.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN THAT SCENERIO
- Be in the present moment: Do mindfulness meditation. Read some philosophy. Watch some funny movies. Indulge in something useful as well as interesting hobby. Go out and mingle with happy folks. Do whatever to help you forget the past and move on.
- You have to look for the root of your problems. You have to be strong enough to admit that you are the essential decider as to whether or not you want to change something about yourself or your perspective
- Acceptance with the consequences of what had been done to you
- or what you have done and how they have impacted or changed you as a person.
Being hurt by someone close to you is more painful than being hurt by someone who is not that close. Similarly, the more the impact of that resentment, the harder it becomes for you to forgive or forget.
Happiness is found in whatsoever places we look for it. The negative paths we follow from time to time will never turn up Joy. Joy and Happiness can only be found on the pathways of forgiveness and forgetting and moving forward with our lives.
Remember, forgiving is not for the one who offended you but for your own peace of mind.
Try it out. You will be surprise by the result you will achieve.
Written by Jonathan Juliana