Friends With Benefits: Understanding The Rules of The Game.

Is there ever such a thing as “No Strings Attached?” Can a friendship between two people withstand casual sex? Or is that just an idealistic concept?

Every game has its own rules and the same applies to the game of friends with benefits.

Recently I had a chat with an old friend asking me out. Now I am the kind of lady that love defining what I want from the onset of a relationship. This guy in question was once a love interest but along the ling, shit happened and we parted. When we parted I was thinking I was the one not good enough or I did something bad that made him leave but then I discovered it was not really me, he was at fault.

While having a conversation, I told him to define what he want and he was all about I want us to be friends and the rest, he went on telling me how what he once had with a lady he once called a friend blossom to be become something real. In all he said, what I saw in the entire conversation was a friend with benefit.

Seriously! are you kidding me?

There are people who are cut out for the casual sex thing while some are not. One night stands are not as they used to be. Before now, you just go out to a club or a bar and meet a strange guy or girl, have fun and just shake hands like business partners. Yes it was nice doing business with you for the moment. Lol funny right? Funny enough, a few person still indulges it. But these days, there is a new name given to a one night stand as lovers are coupling up for more long term sex. It’s called “Friends with Benefits”. They get all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. They start out as friends. They enjoy each other’s company and then one night start sleeping together.

They don’t date. To them, it’s not a traditional “significant other” type relationship. In most cases, the other friends is aware of the other relationship they are having by the side and they are totally okay with it. It’s set up as a mutual gratification, friends helping friends arrangement.

What most Friends with Benefits fail to do is set up the rules. It generally starts out as either happenstance or perhaps a small dialog exchange, “I don’t have anyone, you don’t either, so let’s do it, no strings attached. What do you think?” It all sounds well and good; at least initially when both are hornier than a unicorn. One question they forget ask or answer is this;

  • Can friends who sleep together remain friends once it ends? Or
  • Is the start of mutual sex the start of the end of their friendship?

When two being come in contact sexually, a bond is created no matter how it is discussed up front, no matter the arrangement made. Someone always gets hurt in the end of a no strings attached. Friends with Benefits arrangement. Booty Calls always start out with mutual orgasms as the sole purpose. Yet when two people share that kind of closeness, and if it’s a recurring buddy booty call, then they spend time together. Someone is doing something very intimate with and to the other. Who isn’t always appreciative of a good orgasm? [maxbutton id=”1″ ]

One or both may know that they don’t want a commitment and that’s why the “No Strings Attached” agreement was conceived. But when the “ooh baby, ya that feels so good, I love what you do to me” occurs regularly, how can they NOT start to feel something for the other? One person will inevitably feel a stronger emotional bond than the other; it’s not male/female bias. One will still only love the physical benefits and the other will enjoy the great sex so much that they get attached, even though they weren’t looking for any relationship.

Or perhaps one person may have always been secretly attracted to the friend and knew the other didn’t want a relationship, yet figured a Friends with Benefits arrangement was better than nothing. Hence they verbally agreed to the arrangement but emotionally they were already hooked.

It is advisable to develop some rules before entering into such arrangement. You might want to consider the following suggestions:

  • No going out with each other unless it’s in a group situation or you know the night will end in sex, therefore the outing is part of foreplay,
  • No public affection,
  • No gifts and any other boundaries you want to instill.
  • Before it starts, decide how it will end. (If starting out as friends, the goal is to end as friends).
  • If new love interests were previously discussed among friends, shouldn’t those types of conversations still be allowed?

Use your head to consider wisely what may be lost if you enter into a Friends with Benefits arrangement.




Image: Stock photo

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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