How contented are you with non-sexual affection in a relationship?

Are you one of the people that believe in keeping the bed undefiled till after the wedding? Do you know in this 21st century, the expectations on sex and love have changed? 

Before now sex, outside marriage was seen as taboo. However, in this era values are challenged. People have come up with different names and terms when discussing sex. Among them is the term making out.

Making out is referred to how far a male/female could get his girlfriend/boyfriend to give in physically. Sex has become an object of gratification and a challenge rather than a representation of total commitment to one person in a lifelong and committed relationship most fully expressed in marriage. These days, sexual expression, and indeed love, has become so cheap that people now use sex as an object for their use. I can’t help but wonder; 

Can a relationship without sex, in this age where sex is seen as a tool for happiness and expression last?

A lot of people will be fast to tell you NO! Some will even go as far as giving you facts about why they feel it cannot work. Come to think of it; what if you woke up one day and you are unable to perform again, I take it to mean it’s the end of the road for you? Do you know, most marriages today happened as a result of pregnancy? A Sexless relationship is possible, the fact is, any kind of relationship is possible if the parties both agreed beforehand that companionship is more important than sex. And Yes! Relationships without sex can last.

A songwriter said;  You can do it if you put your heart into it.

As humans, we all have issues, and we are always looking to challenge the way something is done to advance our understanding and how we approach and do these things. Have you ever imagined if sex was such an important part, why then are the divorce rates and breakups on the high side? A lot of people still contemplate having a divorce even after having a great sex life. Most people prefer what seems like a safe zone such as; divorce, serial monogamy, and lying which is socially accepted and more tolerated in the society rather than dealing with reality of coming to terms with their true nature, which in turn has resulted in a tremendous amount of pain and suffering.


You will agree with me that; sex is not the problem but, how people deal with relationships or rather do not deal with them is at the heart of it. One thing you must understand is, lack of sex is not what ruins a relationship. Listed below are things that ruin relationship for people.

Things that ruin relationships

  • Dishonesty.
  • Fears which are not addressed and processed.
  • Inability to communicate.
  • Possessiveness.
  • Insecurities.
  • Emotional immaturity.
  • Ideologies.
  • Personality and psychological issues.
  • Shaming of sexual feelings and desires.
  • Conformity to social constructs which do not work for everyone.
  • Lack of actualization as individuals

Most people will tell you how their relationship ended because one is holding back on the sexual part of the relationship. I often ask myself, was the marriage an arranged marriage? Was there no courtship before tying the knot? Did you not ask intimate questions about yourselves before walking down the aisle? You must learn how to communicate if you are unhappy with something in a relationship. Do not bottle it up in your chest because that will only give room for other things to creep in which will eventually lead to the end of the relationship. 

One thing I realize is; affection and love are expressed in myriad ways though we tend to use the phrase I love you multiple times per day. Did you know, if you start by being friends when the relationship falls apart, you can fall back on the friendship? But, if it’s only physical touch then, you both see each other as a piece of meat?

 That is why you should take your time to know what works for you and what won’t click. Chances are you will never agree on everything but, if you can hit 8 out of 10, you are doing pretty well. Sex is just one facet of a person/relationship but, one liking it and the other not well, that could be a deal-breaker.

Written by: Juliana Jonathan


Photo credit: Stockphotos




I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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