How To Differentiate between “Real Love” and “Obsessive Love”

Have you ever wondered why that person who you think  really love you now becomes a threat to you?

Ever imagined how they become a shadow following your every move and you’re scared they might hurt you the next minutes?

Maybe you may not have experienced it but there are a thousand and one persons out there in such situation and are scared  to speak out or even scared to imagine it was really happening to them because they have always pictured the perfect relationship in their mind, they have also pictured a loving and caring prince charming. Everyone wants to loved and also feel protected by the one they love.

There is a big difference between real love and obsessive love. Obsession is a fantasy expectation of an ego-centered outcome, based on idealized romantic illusion. In other words, being in an obsessive relationship is for the individuals to play a role that is clearly defined by the person before you even think of meeting the person. Some would trail you for a long time then even kidnap and make you their prisoner. In an obsessive love, both individuals follow each of their one sided expectations, this often happens at the beginning of most relationship, we often don’t get to know until the internal baggage emerges, you now feel the anguish of eventual disappointment that follows.

The difference between true love and obsession is tremendous, being in love with someone is effortless, it is sweet, you simply just love the person despite their flaws and you don’t want them to be in any certain way, you simply just enjoy each other while getting to know yourself more. You don’t see them as a need, you just enjoy being with them. Now I call that “LOVE”  I call it “COMPATIBILITY”.

The reason most people find themselves in an obsessive situation is because 95% of them don’t really know what a true healthy relationship look like.

“I have been in such situation before, confusing “Lost for Love” and “Obsession for love”. I recalled telling a friend  sometime back about my love life and he asked “where on earth do you normally meet these types of guys”?…….lol

The truth is you never know because you’ve deliberately shut your eyes to reality.

Have you ever been in a relationship and you feel like you are suffocating? You want them to treat you in a certain way, give you certain relationship title and when they don’t, you feel you are not OK.

When you find yourself in such situation, you find out you no longer enjoy the relationship rather you’ll feel as if you are gasping for air. In such  a relationship, what you do is you try to observe and see if your connection with the person feels like love or Obsession.

I once find myself in that situation, the guy was so obsess with me that I became scared, then I heard this small voice inside telling me “you are not home yet” I had to quit the relationship.

The truth is this, we all know when the feeling move from love to obsession but we also choose no ignore that tiny voice speaking.  Good relationship are effortless, you don’t struggle to make an impression, you just go with the flow smiling all through. Don’t misunderstand me, I never said it will always be rosy. The difference between real love and obsessive love are many but we will discuss a few of them.

Real love is a feeling from the heart while obsessive love can be termed a crazy feeling. Some how, both terms are related in some aspect but can never be seen as same.

Real love is when a person want what’s best for you even when they are no longer a part of your life, obsessive love is when a person see you as his/her property, they always have this idea of making you be his/ hers only

A Person who is in love with you will give your needs more importance, putting yours first before theirs while an obsessed person gives importance to only their needs.

Real love has no limit, what you get is total/complete freedom while obsessive love has its own limitations. It is a condition that makes one feel they have no freedom.

Real love is pure, understanding, supportive, caring and giving, even our savior “Jesus Christ” loves us, intercedes for us and gave his life for us that’s real love. Obsessive love is shrouded with jealousy, filled with crazy Idea’s, wanting the person on his/ her side all day, the moment you are not with them, the start having crazy ideas of where you are and what you are doing. They want you to fulfill their personal desires and not want to you distracted by other event or people.

Obsession starts with jealousy and paranoia begin to creep into the relationship. Obsession is built on lust and the partners experience lack of time. It is important you protect yourself as obsessive love can be destructive for both partners. Do not apply logic in your relationship and ignore the warning signs. Love always strive to bring out the best of your character.


Over the years, I have learnt that when we need someone in other to exist, what we feel around us is body aches when the person is not around. Now that’s obsession and not love. Loving someone means “you don’t need them rather you want to share life with them and also support them on their life’s journey.



I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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