HOW TO HANDLE REJECTION

Ever felt rejected by people? You are not alone.

In my case I was confused. Why me? was a question I keep asking myself without getting answers to. Why was I the one getting rejected? Here I was smart, loyal, hardworking and pretty (winks). Why me? This question has been on my mind for years begging for answers. The rejections I experienced made me isolate myself from people. I tried different things to keep myself busy while dealing with that monster call REJECTION.

I can vividly recall one rejection that almost knock me off my feet, in his word he said, “you are too dull for my liking, you sound like a primary school pupil and that I really need to work on but you are too old”

seriously? I felt bad,  then i started to look down  on myself, he was so convincing that I believed I was a dullard like he said.  Com’on, you don’t have to bring someone down to feel good about yourself.

Deep down I know I have potentials but at the same time, I felt paralyzed by those rejections. I often tell myself; nobody seems to care about you, why care about yourself? One day I asked myself this question;

If I can set things right, will I be willing to?

From that instant, I told myself, I will love myself and I will be happy, I will smile no matter what.

Everyone hate becoming someone they don’t like. And most time we find  ourselves in a situation/scenario that changes us from who we were to who we are presently.  Rejection is never simple or easy. It can hurt a lot no matter the form in which it came, but it hurts more especially when it comes from the closest people in our lives. Online-theraphy.com No one deserves to be a cast away. No matter what anyone says, you as a person are worth so much and you deserve to be loved and cared for.

Over the years, I’ve learnt that just as people reject us, we’ve also one way or other rejected others who wanted to date us, we have also rejected job offers for one reason or the other. People will love you at the same time people will dislike you for no reason or reasons best known to them but that does not mean you aren’t good or you aren’t worth a keep. You just have to accept that ; not everyone is your audience and not everyone is your cheerleader.

Often time when we experience rejection, we crawl back to our comfort zone. We hide from the outside world crying our eyes out. We are filled with regret  and questions of WHY ME? If not it’s you, then who else? Rejection never means you are not good. You never get rejected in vacuum, you always get rejected in comparison to a requirement. Rejection is the part of life. It is a fact that cannot be change. We all know that a coin has two sides, when you flip a coin you don’t know what the result would be, but when it strikes the ground, you will have your end result. The same applies with rejection.

Acceptance and rejection are two sides of the coin. Undoubtedly, when you are accepted, you will be overwhelmed with joy, but when you face rejection, you will be depressed, you will be sad, and you cry.

Most times, after rejection comes loneliness. You can be in the midst of a thousand people and you will still be lonely. Knowing lots of people is not the cure for loneliness, but intimate connection with the people you know. How well do you listen to people’s story and how often do you tell them yours? Everyone has a story to tell. When you keep isolating yourself from the crowd just because you were rejected by an employer or because someone rejected you, then insecurity will gradually creep in. you will feel everyone out there is going to hurt and reject you.

The most common thing you will hear people say is; Move On” it’s simple and very effective isn’t it?  Need I tell you that the “MOVE ON” phrase is simple but only when it is to be given as advice to someone else. The reality is this; It is tough to move on when you are in that position. Your heart is retching out emotions and all your dreams and hopes have been shattered. For all this while, you planned out a life with that special someone, a boyfriend, girlfriend or even with a job and now seemingly, that plan of your life is no longer there.  Awwch! It hurts right? But it’s the truth.

Rejection is like a compass, it teaches you what you do not want so you can learn what to do. Rejection is not you and it does not define you. You should be grateful for being rejected because it gives you a choice to move on. To handle rejection well is to have a proper perspective on the world around you.

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For instance;

I fall in love very quickly. I fall in love with anything I find interesting. I often get rejected but then I pick myself up, dust my butt and give love a try once again.

It’s not the end of the world. I’m not going to die from someone saying no to me or from someone not seeing me as the right one or if the employer thinks I’m not worthy of that job or position even when I know deep down that I merit it..

When you let peoples’ “rejection” get to you, it is you who rejected yourself. Not everyone is going to like you. Same applies to a job rejection; you applied for a job and the next thing the interviewer tells you is “I don’t like your face” crazy right? But shit happens. Just as you aren’t fond of every single person you meet, people are not always going to like you.

Now, speaking of  rejection in general, when someone tells you no, understand that is part of the game. You have to go through a hundred no’s to get that one yes. You have to go through several failures for that one success. But I want you to be positive about one thing and that is; all you need is just one yes, to cancel out all those no’s Embrace rejection.. It’s just one more step closer to what you want. Getting rejected doesn’t mean you are not fit at all rather it only means you are not fit for that particular situation or that person.

Do you know, you can control the dating rejection by not building it into something too big? Some people meet someone today and the next thing is they have this big wedding picture in their mind, the number of kids, the type of car they will have and out of nowhere BOOM! comes a breakup. Of course your whole world will crumble.  The more you are interested and attracted and having dreams about it before the date, the more it’s going to hurt.

Rejection really sucks. The simple fact that you were not the one that person chose and moving on after the grieving process sucks more.

TD JAKES Says;

When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Do not try to talk them into staying with you, calling you or caring about you. When they choose to walk away; let them walk because your destiny is not tied to them.

People leave you because they are not joined to you, it doesn’t mean that they are bad people. It only mean that their part in the story is over. May I remind you that they walking away is no an accident and even you trying to make it work and it’s not working is also no accident but the will of God. Stop begging people to stay.

No rejection can be as painful as the regret you will feel years to come if you do not let it go. Nothing is as painful as realizing years from now that you wasted years hiding, or being sorry for yourself over someone’s rejection and for allowing yourself to be crippled by it. The fact that you let someone control a good part of your life also sucks. At the long run, the person that gets hurt is you.

MATTHEW HUSSEY says;

The biggest waste of life is the idea of allowing someone stop you from doing things.

Finally, if you have been going through lots of rejection ask yourself these questions;

  1. Why were you rejected in that organization/ relationship?
  2. Is it truly a problem with you or it was a problem with the other person/organization?
  3. Was the rejection valid/invalid?
  4. What were you trying to get?
  5. Is it an area you should work on?
  6. Is there any way you can do better next time?

Rejection lasts only but for moments, while the fear of it can debilitate for a lifetime. Always remember, Rejection is momentary but regret is for a life. Celebrate your rejections, channel your energy and be an achiever!!!

 

Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA

Image: Stock photo

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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