How to Rekindle Your First Love.

We are living in an age where if something breaks, we throw it away and get a new one. Nobody thinks of fixing, it can be stressful you know. We live in a disposable era. You buy something and after some time, you dispose of it and get another which is not a bad idea as well but unfortunately, that has translated into relationships. When we fight, sometimes it’s just easier to break up than trying to fix things.

Love is supposed to be a safe place where two people are able to be completely open, honest and trusting. The end of love implies that that safe place has disappeared or is no longer of interest or purpose to one or both partners. I know time away, even decades or even situations causes two people to fall apart. The question now is;

Is it possible to reconnect and move very quickly into that safe trusting place and it is comfortable enough to create new found interest?

You will agree with me that often times, when people do get back together, they never return to being the same people they were, driven by the same “emotional “fire.”They change, and then find a new set of reasons to be together. Have you considered retracing your steps?

Retracing is a process of going over things in one’s mind. Perhaps visiting former workplaces, towns you lived in, schools attended. I do not mean you start contacting and keeping in touch with everyone you used to know. This is a good way of starting but for some persons, it is very difficult you know why? Because such people take their partners for granted and it takes a good step back to notice why it happened.

However, I am not talking about getting back together with an ex after marriage, because your ex (after getting married to another person) is like an idol your fathers worshiped. I know a lot of people are still in touch with exes. You might end up living down the road from an ex and see him/her every day passing. You might end up working beside someone you used to date. You know how uncomfortable it can be each time, the atmosphere changes completely.


 You do not need to go back to them simply because you are having issues in your marriage.

But in situations where you are still single and you still want to get your ex back, there are factors you really need to consider before deciding to try again. The first is;

What made you break up before? Was it because one partner moved and a long distant relationship was not feasible at the time? If you are both in the same town now and both plan to be there for a while, then I’d say you could try again.

Bad timing: If it was bad timing before maybe it’s now your perfect time.

Lack of compatibility: Listen if the reason for your breakup was incompatibility, are you still incompatible?

Will the same things begin to annoy you?


Will you lose interest like you did before?

Maybe trying to rekindle things is not such a good idea. Remember to rekindle a lost love is all about discovering all of the stuff you’ve put into each other (no pun intended) and into your relationship, and into your own lives. To start a new fire you have to discover each other once again for the first time. It’s quite an enjoyable journey. Don’t you think so?

These days people most especially women easily get frustrated in their marriage because the intimacy fades or altogether vanishes. You hear them say; I never bargained for this, you never told me it would be like this. Come on, marriage is not a bed of roses.

If you’re in a committed relationship that’s grown a bit stagnant, then your love needs rekindling.  I am a strong advocate for communication in relationships. Bottom line: you have to communicate in order to understand your significant other’s point of view.

The truth is this; chemistry and possibility of a reaction doesn’t diminish if the end of the original love was honest, respectful and seemed in the best interests of both sides.

The reason why we have so many failed relationships is because people fall in love with a fantasy constructed of the highest potential of their lover. In their mind, they have built this perfect relationship and when their expectations are not met, they start retreating their steps at the detriment of the other person’s feelings.

Lucky are those who found real love. You see; Real love, happens when you see him/her in their best and worst. You picture them with a pair of x-ray glasses to their soul, you see the potential for greatness missed by the rest of the world. Now that’s real love.  When you have the full plethora of their qualities in front of you and you have opened up all of yours. Each of you then figures out which ones you love, which ones you are ok with, and which ones you dislike. You then do the subconscious math of the net value, and realize that the good far outweighs the bad. Love is not the passionate, fascinated obsession for the good portions; it’s the acceptance that irritating portions are far outweighed by the genuine good parts

Real love is not self-seeking, but giving. You may not feel like giving to my significant other, serving them and being kind, but often, when you do, love happens.

Another reason why relationships usually end badly is when one side initiates the end via dishonesty, deceit or unilateral decision such relationships probably have slimmer odds of rekindling.

In some case, the so called good reasons to end that loving relationships with your love might prove to be a wrong decision once you sample the grass on the other side of the fence.

Let me be honest with you.  If sizzle goes out of a relationship, then someone is withholding something.

The truth might be as simple as

  • I don’t feel as close to you as I would like to be
  • I want more romance in our lives together.
  • I miss feeling close to you.
  • I’m afraid that we’re falling out of love.
  • I wonder if I’m boring you.
  • I am bored with our routine and I want something more exciting.

Love is not the passionate, fascinated obsession for the good portions; it’s the acceptance that irritating portions are far outweighed by the genuine good parts.

Steps To Rekindle Old Flame in your Love Life

  • The first step is to acknowledge your role in the situation. Most people never admit they are they wrong. The first step to bring back the old love flame is to acknowledge your part in the breakdown of the relationship.
  • Ask yourself if you are treating your partner the way you treat your clients? Those business clients of yours that are always right no matter what they do.  Are you as good to your significant other as you are to other people in your life? If the answer is ‘no,’ then say so to your partner.
  • Recall: Do you remember the feelings and emotions, the excitement of your first date? Your first kiss? We tend to value what is new, what become complacent as time goes by. This goes for a relationship too.

Someone wisely said that “Love is a choice.” That is true. When we behave in a loving way, we often find our feelings follow. . The best way to keep both of your life happy is to just spend time with significant other and love your life, you will automatically see things will falling in place.

Finally; you must understand that;

  1. Love is like oxygen, it is a consumable, it can deplete quickly.
  2. Love can be resuscitated
  3. The person that hurt you the most is the one you love the most.
  4. In  love there is lots of patience and forgiving

Written by Juliana Jonathan

Photo credit: stock photos




I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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