We often hear words like, he cheated on me, she cheated on me and in most cases the person in question have never been seen with a lady/guy before. Then how did the cheating occurred? I often tell people, cheating does not only mean you having sexual intercourse with someone else. If that be the case, what then is cheating?
Cheating is anything that you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling your partner, plain and simple. Whenever I hear the word CHEATING the first word that comes to mind is DECEPTION.
The fact that you are lying or withholding the truth from your partner; a partner with whom you are in a romantic or committed relationship makes it cheating. To cheat means to break the rules. The rules of any interaction or relationship are whatever the participants agreed on. Thus, whatever is against the rules of your relationship is cheating.
Cheating does not start suddenly, you first of all fantasize about it then you start processing it and then it materializes. Cheating begins from the deleting of suspicious text messages from your phone. Those text messages you hide from your spouse, girl friend or boyfriend.
This leads us to the question that is facing more of today’s couples than can possibly be estimated. Is an internet fling or flirting cheating? My answer is simple, that answer is totally up to you. If you find out your mate has been heating up the internet with another woman and it bothers you, which I am sure it will, then yes, without a doubt, that’s cheating.
The idea of finding out itself indicates that there was hiding of the truth involved in the first place. Your man/woman knew you wouldn’t like it, that’s the main reason why they hid it in the first place. The thing is they knew it was cheating no matter what they say or how innocently they painted it was.
Cheating is like driving your car and having someone cut you off, which runs you off the road; your car flips multiple times before coming to a stop. As you come out of a traumatic trance, you only to begin to take inventory of the real damage in the aftermath of the wreckage.
The truth is this; you don’t even have to meet to have a sexual relationship, the internet have made that so easy. The minor fact that you haven’t actually touched the other person is inconsequential. Cheating is not just about which body parts touch another parts. Cheating can be anything done outside of agreed upon personal boundaries. Anything that is done by a person in a relationship, secretly, with the knowledge that their partner would be hurt if they were to find out about it, is cheating.
People will always want to justify cheating with this phrase;
We create our own happiness by what we can get, rather than what we can give.
Seriously! I see that philosophy as a disaster waiting to happen in any relationship.
The fact that you condone internet sex or phone sex or any other non-sexual relationship with the other person does not mean such relationship do not potentially stray on the promises that both parties made to each other to stay faithful. Therefore having a remote relationship that has sexual terms to it and that are intentionally sexual is “cheating”, or could possibly be construed as such.
You are having sex with someone else, whether that other person is present or not is not that relevant. Or, if you’re limiting it to just talking, you are having an emotional relationship with that individual which in a monogamous relationship, should be limited to just your committed partner and no one else. [maxbutton id=”1″ ]
In one relationship, kissing someone else may be cheating; in another, participating in a spontaneous foursome may not be cheating. Your mutual relationship, your mutual rules.
Cheating used to be very black and white. However these days a lot of people would like to think the internet has created a million shades of grey. I beg to differ. I think cheating is still black and white. I think it’s fairly easy to define as a behavior that creates feelings of emotional or sexual betrayal. I think people know when they are cheating, almost always confirmed by their hiding the behavior in question.
Now, I know, women do bad things too. However, statistically men are much more likely to engage in internet affairs. Not to mention the fact that most real world physical affairs started online and men who engage in questionable online behavior are vastly more likely to have a real affair.
Are you still in doubt if internet flirting, sex texting or love connection is cheating? Here are some few questions for you and be sure to give a sincere answer.
- Would you flirt like that if your significant other was right there beside you?
- Would you hold that embrace that long if your mate was standing next to that person
- Would you be “okay?” with your mate really knowing what you privately think about that other person?
- Do you have fantasies about the other person?
- Do you stalk them on social media?
- Do you feel more comfortable with them than your mate?
- If my partner knew about this “relationship”, would they be uncomfortable?”
If your answers to these questions are yes, you are most likely deceiving them
So, in the end, you alone know the answer to the question. Is it cheating? Ask yourself one thing, does it feel OK to me? If the answer to that question is NO, then your answer is, YES, he/she is cheating. Don’t cut him/her any slack on interpretation of the rules. Trust me, in their heart of hearts, they knows it’s cheating too.
Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA
Image: Stock photo
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