Some people sit around wondering why he didn’t choose me. I am good looking, I dress well, I give him all the attention he deserves, why didn’t he choose me?

I watched a video of the Jerry Springer, were a guy dumped his 6 years old relationship for a 9 months old relationship. It sounds absurd right? While watching the video, my attention was focused expression on the faces of the audience. Some were disappointed, some were happy while some feel sad for the lady being dumped.

The lesson I picked from that video was when the lady asked him why he was leaving her for a lady he met online 9 months ago and was seeing her for the first time on that show, in her word; “I gave you everything, nothing but love and cherished every moment spent together” and he said, “she saw me different from how you see me” this was the lesson I picked from the show.

It does not really matter how long you’ve been together but little things count.One of the main things that can really screw people up in their lives and suck all their energy is socializing with or dating or marrying people who are not beneficial for them.

Below are few reasons why he didn’t choose you or why he choose her over you

He Never Invested Anything: Ladies men value things they invest in, be it; time, money or energy. When you are dating a man and he does not invest anything to that relationship that relationship is bound to collapse at the slightest opportunity. When you don’t invest into something you don’t value it. When you give yourself freely without having him invest anything into you, he is not going to value you.

You Try To Change The Rules In The Middle Of The Game: I often advice ladies to define what they want before going into a relationship because I have been a victim myself. If sex is the reason you are going into a relationship let the party know, if you are in it for the money or just a fling spill it out, don’t go acting why won’t you know after all the signs I’ve shown you. Are you kidding me? Changing the rules in the middle of the game might be a reason he choose her over you. From the onset the relationship was based sex, suddenly you want to talk about your future and desires? In reality, it does not really concern him. It was a causal relationship and that’s what you agreed to. Most times, he may not value you because the relationship was based on casual sex. If you want something serious, you have to communicate them early enough.

He May Not Be Ready Yet: Most men set target for themselves and when they are not in a certain stage of it, they do not want to commit most especially if they noticed you want commitment. They leave you for someone who they feel has a whole lot of time ahead. Or he may not be serious or rather too immature to recognize your worth and as result, he might lose out on you because he was not ready yet.

He Values Her Beyond Sex: Take away sex from relationship, most ladies will have nothing to offer a guy. It is a harsh truth. Listen, men may be shallow minded but they value things more than sex and one of such things is called SUBSTANCE. Substance is the characteristics of a woman that keeps her long time in a relationship and that goes far beyond sex.

I had a discussion with a close friend and he said, “Every man wants to settle down with a lady who can run a home even in his absence. They don’t want a party freak for a wife but they want her for show off”. So, if you are worried why he chooses her over you, he probably values her beyond sex.
Other reasons are;

  • She listens to his darkest secret and fear, and she never judged anything that he shared.
  • They share the same affection style.
  • You didn’t fit with his plan. She is a lot more fun to be with.
  • They have the same family values.
  • He loves her confidence.
  • She never pressures him.
  • They have the same social styles.

Having known the reason why he chooses her over you, how do you get over guys who choose another girl over you?

First you have to understand that the guy, who picks her over you, never loved you just as you loved him. I want you to think about it this way; you have a lot to offer someone and if choose this girl, it just gives you the opportunity/chance to show to someone else that the decision he made, he may/may not regret it. Don’t waste your precious time on this earth being narcissistic supply for someone who couldn’t care less about you as a human being.

Secondly, you have to be the person you want to date. You have to be open, you have to be fair, you have to be jovial and cheerful at least if you are looking to eventually try someone else. You have to understand, you as a person have a lot to offer but that can’t just be lip-services. Some people can build a skyscraper with words from their mouth. Oh, when I meet this great guy, I will shower him with love, care and attention. Fast-forward to three months later, they are in a relationship and they are not giving one tenth of what they have always said they will do. You really have to build your character and invest in yourself to make sure there is something to offer so that you will look interesting to someone else. When you understand you do have something to offer or at least you are willing to build that, then you will easily get over this guy who chooses someone else over you.


Finally, you also have to understand that their choice has nothing to do with you but with them and the fact that they choose someone else do not equate to your worth and value. Sometimes we feel because they choose someone else, you may feel less than. If you are in this kind of situation, I want you to know this, your value or worth has nothing to do with their choice.

You have to see and know that you have, if he cheated or choose someone over you; his choice has more to do with what’s going on in him and less to do with you. You deserve better than that. There are other men out there. Get over your addiction of him and find a good person to date who is really into you as you are into him.

So, if you are broken, wounded, shattered or going through some issue, look to God, he will strengthen and get you through. Always remember other peoples choices are not equated to your worth or value.


Image: Stock photo


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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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