How do you know when you should break up with someone? Is it worth the fight, or are you just forcing it to work?
We all know relationships come with ups and downs. There are happy moments, and there are sad and painful moments. Sometimes, there is always this legitimate reason showing that your relationship partner will become a burden to you at some point, and they will do so willfully or either proactively or through intentional omission.
It is not always easy, accepting and admitting that a romantic relationship is no longer satisfactory at all and that it will probably come to an end. This is something you cherish and have nurtured for years or even months. It won’t be that easy quitting. However, it is better to open your eyes and face reality.
Often time, people get to that point; they are not really IN the relationship anymore. Their eye starts wandering, looking at other men/women. They do not treat their significant other the same. Leaving is never easy. Be it a place, person, or relationship, leaving will definitely hurt. You will be reeling with tons of memories and sullen eyes but sometimes, going becomes the only feasible option. It could be an argument or a significant fight.
A lot of things can make you leave a relationship. There comes a time when you know you can be happy, maybe even happier without them than you are with them. You feel like you have had it with their attitudes, reactions, and the way they treat you. etc. The most important thing is; you need to be prepared for it.
Signs Showing That a Relationship is coming to an end?
This will be different for different people. Everyone has different experiences and observations on which they pick up. For Instance;
Before my relationship crashed, I can always feel it in my guts long before my partner said anything or before there was any concrete evidence. It was just something that pervades my senses. I knew it as clearly as I knew my name. Then came the complaint and the rest. When I ask questions, the answer I get was always, why are you acting grumpy? It got to a point that I started seeing it as his favorite word for identifying any behavior I exhibit that he did not approve of. That was when I knew there was no remedy.
The signs below will make you prepare for the inevitable when it eventually became a reality;
- They deliberately create arguments to be on a better side especially when they know how you will react.
- You feel this distance, a feeling that something is off, but you cannot quite put your finger on it.
- They stop supporting you emotionally.
- Lack of interest in what is happening with you. They stop asking you about your daily activities or your welfare.
- When you start to feel that you are losing her/him.
- You get a gut feeling it is dead.
- When you get to the point when you find yourself asking questions about the current situation, just know that; there is always a good reason to stay and a better one to leave. So, you have to look at the big picture and see what is going on.
- When you know the person you want to spend your life with cannot understand your needs. You cannot understand your significant other’s emotional needs when there is no initialization of any process by both sides that can fill the gap between the both of you.
How do you it is time to quit.
Knowing when to quit a relationship that is more of sadness is very important in any relationship. Often, I hear people say, I want to leave the relationship, but I do not know how to. Did you know the pain of staying in an abusive or loveless relationship is worse when you continue with the relationship?
Most time, in such relationships, they might be using you to pass time. You might even be a rebound without knowing. They talk to you only in their free time. When a relationship is making your life hell, then I believe you are better off being alone.
Below are some sign telling you It is time to quit:
- When you start wondering whether you could be happy without her/him. When you get to that point where you feel you are without them. When you start getting pissed off by things they do more often than not.
- When you treat them like your priority but you are just another option to them. When your partner is not sure about wanting you in their life. They neither say it nor do their actions show it.
- When you two start talking less and argue more. Conversations become boring, sad, and serious you feel like you both do not share a laugh anymore.
- When you think you are losing your self-respect. (Do not confuse ego for self-respect).
- When they start using you as their time pass and as a person to talk to only in their free time.
- When your gut feeling is screaming breakup.
- Leave when you are not given respect, taken for granted, and lied to.
- When you become picky with words to say to them just to avoid an unnecessary argument.
I know a lot of times, people continue to try in hopes that things will change for the better. We fail to realize that in life, some people are there to give us experience. If possible, help us gain knowledge on something better. Leaving a relationship is never a good event. In my case, I really wanted the relationship to work because I felt my partner and I was so good together. Now I have seen the errors in that way of thinking.
In life, everyone goes through a rough patch. The question you must ask yourself is, if this is a one-time event due to life stress, or is this a behavior pattern that keeps reappearing every now and then? Fighting over little things should not be the root cause of breaking up. You may have different lifestyles, thought processes, or outlooks towards life. If things go bad, work on it again. If the things that are making you feel like it is over, could be fixable by all means, fix them. It may just be that you guys have hit a rut.
Relationships take lots of work. And sometimes we are just too tired to try and instead start looking for ways out. If you truly love your significant other and want it to work, maybe try reconnecting with them. Do some stuff you guys used to enjoy doing together when you first started dating. One thing I noticed is, we settle in easily. Once that is done, we get lazy. We stop wooing our spouses because we already have them. Sometimes a little reminder of what first attracted you together can reignite the fire. Why not flip those feelings you are having.
Unless you feel that this man/woman is never bothered to understand the issues between you two, you should quit. But If he/she is aware of the issues and trying to solve them with you, then you are all good to marry someday.
Always remember, you owe no one responsibility or duty to make your life better. However, bear in mind that; it is also not their duty to make it worse. Thereby putting you in a precarious position where you would suffer (or have to compensate in some way) for their life choices. Relationships take work, but not all relationships are worth that work. The road will be long and harsh, but as long as you do not give up on your hope and do your best, you will find the destination when you least expect it.
Written by: Juliana Jonathan
Photo credit: Getty image