LOSING INTEREST/PULLING AWAY, THE DREADED, HEART WRENCHING COURTING NIGHTMARE

Hello friends, welcome to yet another great week. First and foremost, have you ever wondered why you meet this great guy and everything is going on smoothly, the love is superb, the cares is one in a million. He is always there when you beckon on him, he is a helper, and a God sent; in fact, he is everything you could ever wish for. Then all of a sudden, he goes cold toward you, he snubs you, pick offense with everything little you thing you do, he is very difficult to impress and then you crawl back into your shell, your mind is filled with questions begging for answers. Today, I will tell us why men suddenly loose interest and also proffer solution to it.

When men pull away from relationship, it is 80% certain it has nothing to do with you. Remember that at the onset of your relationship, the bond between both parties was fragile. It was two strangers gambling on each other trying to make things work between them. Initially, there was a lot of guess work involved, everyone is trying to play safe; nobody wants to invest themselves into anything. Communication will be tactful and not truthful. The whole interaction will be driven by curiosity. Because who knows what’s in store?

Men tend to be very secretive unless they’re with the type of person they want to spend their life with. They don’t want just anyone hearing about their issues or their insecurities or something that’s weighing them down. Guys lose interest for an endless variety of reasons but the truth is, it shouldn’t be your concern. Don’t expect to find the answer anywhere but from his words because they will all be guesses and you will never know for sure. As a lady it’s okay to be worried, but before you hurt yourself with worries, below are some points to reflect on;

Why you need to know whether or not he has lost interest and why.
What do you hope will happen if you gain that knowledge?
Do you hope to control his interest and your relationship? If yes, Why?
You’re worried about him losing interest, but what has he done to keep yours?
Is his interest in you more important than your interest in him? Why?

I want you to consider these questions, not to antagonize the guy or to boost your ego, but to redefine your self-worth and your priorities.

Most times when a guy suddenly loose interest, there are chances that he knows you want a commitment with him and he is not ready to give you that trust me, I have been there; sometimes you even lose yourself while trying to figure out what went wrong. This minute he can’t live without you, he comes so strong and then suddenly, he develops cold feet. There is a saying “men are moved by what they see” it is not their fault; it is how they are programmed. Whenever they see a new woman, they put all their energy there at that moment, they find her irresistible, smart and attractive, they want to prove to her they are good but when they finally win her heart and trust, the fear of commitment sets in and they develop cold feet.

I once met a guy and while dating he often pull back, just like every other lady, I felt I was doing something wrong but he opened up to me, he told me everything was moving so fast and it kind of scares him”

Often times than none what makes a guy loose interest is insecurity, some feel they are not worthy of your love. The same way men are moved by what they see; ladies are moved by what they hear. When a man comes so strong at you, feeding you with sweet lines, do not be too quick to fall for it. A man who really wants a relationship with you will hide his true feelings until they’ve come to really know you that is when they will make their intention known. Usually, the male will give a chase, and the intensity and effort is directly proportional to how deep cupids’ arrow has struck him. This is not absolutely true but it is without a doubt, the usual scenario. If a man moves forward too quickly, slow down. If he can have what he wants with haste, he feels he is too good for it besides; would you really want your life totally usurped for a stranger? I don’t think so. Value yourself and other will too

SOME REASONS WHY MEN LOOSE INTEREST

He is in love with someone else: When a man pulls back, do not freak out, if emotionally you are okay, you give him space, he is financially stable and he has no problem with his job then it leaves us with one last option; it is either he is in love with someone from his past or he just met someone new and he is in love with her. Do not be depressed, he falling in love with someone else does not mean you are ugly, inadequate, or you are no longer sexy etc. it just happen he did. You may be thinking he fell in love with her because of your flaws NO! He had it going on in his mind, it is his responsibility.

Maybe he is having life stress. A man may lose interest in relationship when he is facing major stress such as loosing someone dear to him, facing financial difficulty or he might have lost his job. When things like these happens, know he is just distracted with the happenings around him, and give him time to work things out on his own or maybe he just got out of a long term relationship, he’s still probably considering what went wrong there and if he was the one that got dumped, it’s likely that he’s still hurt. That’s not the type of thing he’d admit though. I know you may want to assist but remember men and women are wired differently, he may respond to the support you are offering or it might piss him off. Give him space to sort himself out.

Disrespectful. This is one major thing that flips men. No matter how much they are into you, how many years or months they have devoted to you, their disrespect is something they don’t do well with.

 Inability to hold a conversation. This is a big turn off for guys. After taking his time to type a long message and the reply he get for his gigantic messages were either *haha or lol or okay* or even k. it’s annoying. He may loss interest maybe because you never tried hard to keep that conversation going. Over all these months, his self-respect might have over powered your importance.

Physical appearances. Have you taken time to look at your physical appearance of late? Compare it to how you look back then when you guys started dating. Most ladies when they meet a new man, they spend time taking care of themselves, they eat healthy, workout and all of a sudden, they let themselves go forgetting that it was something that attracted that man them in the first place. Most men will talk about it others won’t. If you are still much interested in the relationship, put effort in those areas where you’ve lost the woman he fell in love with and watch him crawl back to you.

You are 80 yards ahead of the man in the relationship: this is a major reason men loose interest. You meet this guy, the next thing is you are planning the future, how many kids you want, dream house etc. why not enjoy the moment for the time being? Most men when they see you acting too serious in your relationship, they get scared and loose interest.

Lack of emotional control: Most ladies knows how to nag. they lack emotional control.I used to have this issue but in my case, I don’t argue or nag but I will crawl into my shell thinking it’s the best. Nobody likes a nag and guys as well don’t like ladies that don’t speak their mind. Learn to control your emotions, men don’t like being treated like kids. stop criticizing everything he does, if he does not act or do things the way you expect, don’t scream at him. if you by chance discover you can’t control your temper that minute, take a walk. focus more on managing your mood.

Something weird about the sex compatibility: Your particular proclivities don’t line up. Probably you find out there is a mismatch the very first time your cloths went off, unkempt pubic hair, your sex life don’t just add up or it may also be the way you kiss.

For instance;

I love good kiss and if the first time I kiss you and you kiss like a mountain lion mauling a deer, I loss interest in kissing you immediately

Sexual compatibility matters a lot in relationship, when you are not compatible, its better you don’t engage in activities that will result in gimpy offspring. As a woman, it is important you understand your body, know yourself, your limits and boundaries. You will encounter some strange request you will want to say No to them and stick to your boundaries.

Sometimes, men get carried away by their emotions and started working to find out more about the girl. When their curiosity has been satisfied, sometimes they realize that there is nothing left to work with. So they move on to someone else. It may seem sudden to you, but he actually lost interest over time. Or maybe he was really NEVER interested and is now acting in a way that helps you to understand that fact. There’s also the possibility that you said/did something that caused him to realize you two wouldn’t be a good match. Or maybe he was just waiting for his ex to break up with her new guy so he could try and get her back. Society project man as superman, who don’t have emotional problem but that’s all crap, they have million and one stress going on in their mind.

Finally, do not invest too much emotionally in a man that hasn’t offered any tangible commitment whatsoever. As long as you are not officially his girlfriend, you should consider that there is no relationship and not be overly invested in your interactions with him. It’s crucial to maintain some distance and not initiate contact with a man up until you really are boyfriend and girlfriend. You should really let him do the chasing up until that point.
When a man starting losing interest in you, it normal to freak out but I will advise you don’t. I want you to take a step back and analyze your relationship and the solutions to the problem you are facing. Do not blame anyone; then focus more on making your relationship work.

 

Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA

Image: stutterphoto

 

 

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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