LOVE: A FEELING OR A CHOICE

It’s a season of love and most of my write-up will be on the topic LOVE

This brings the question, is love a feeling or a choice?

This is a very complicated topic because it’s a two side answers. Some would say love is a feeling and others will say love is a choice. For those that say love is a feeling, what would you make of this short story?

Tokumbo has a girlfriend and they’ve been seeing each other for 5-6 years. They had plans of tying the knot then, four months to his wedding, he met Oge.  He then started weighing both options, mind you, they’ve only known each other for just 6 weeks he then realized marrying Janet (his girlfriend) will be the worse decision he has ever made; he stood her up on their wedding.

While others will call him heartless, I will say it is a wise decision. Yes, he was blinded by feelings, the same feelings that come and go, feelings that changes like chemical every five (5) seconds. Often times you discover when people are asked, what happened to the person they once called “the love of their life” the answer you get is this.

  • We fell out of love.
  • We don’t love each other anymore.

Most times the cause for the sudden change may be as a result of physical changes such as:

  • Increase in size
  • You no longer dress the way you use to when I first met you.

Now, these are flimsy excuse one make when the feeling is no longer there. Most times we put so much pressure on our spouse forgetting the fact that over time, we also changed.  Love is a force generated by decision, true love has no feeling, it’s a choice and decision. That means, “I’ve made up my mind to love this person against all odds.” Odds rising from, looks, level of education, spirituality, background etc.

Have you ever wondered why after going out with Ruth, Clara, Janet etc., the same man finally settled with Ellen? It’s because you made your choice. You could have picked Clara, she is good, she is a wife material and you love her likewise Ruth and Janet but you choose Ellen. It’s not because she possesses more good qualities than the rest ladies but there is something that made you make her your choice.

For instance:

You have three favorite shirts but among the shirts in your closet, you prefer one to the others, all shirts are good and fits well, but there’s this one shirt that you treasure more than the rest, you made it your favorite, you decided it’s THIS Shirt or no other.

The same applies to love.

Love is an act of the will. People often think love is some Emotional concoction deep in the soul. You may choose to love anybody you want to be it friend or foe. Always remember that the person you love will do things to hurt you, they will hurt your expectations at the end of the day, you will still decide “you still love them” ever wonder why?

Here is it;

Love is Not a Gift, It is a Fruit Of The Spirit. LOVE is a commitment, Law, choice and decision.

All these mentioned above,  you will discover that all these have nothing to do with feelings.

Here is another example, a case was brought before judge and he discovered the plentiful happened to be his son, technically, he will follow all the procedures, despite what he feels or how he feels about his family. His son broke the law and since love is a law and not feeling, he will have to make a decision, and make a choice.

Feelings have nothing to do with sex, choice, decision and law because it comes and go, it is the commitment (I choose to stay with you against all odds) the choice, the decision that makes you stay for years. When people say wedding vows, the words may be pleasing to your ears, those are two souls committing themselves to one another. Now along the line, when the going gets tough, the choice, the decision you made is what make you stick together.

Ever wondered why when you first met your partner, each you see them or when you are close, you always have chill balls? You’ll do anything for them, you are in cloud nine; years down the line, those feelings are no longer there, not because you don’t love them anymore but you still stick with them because it is your decision and a choice you made years ago to stick with them.

Feelings are exciting, and sometimes it’s just a routine, the moment you no longer experience the spark you once felt at the onset of your relationship, that is the moment your Relationship “begins. When you start experiencing difficulties in your relationship, that is when the words Commitment and Decision come to play.

LOVE IS A DEBT

When you love someone, indirectly, you are owing them. You owe then your attention, your support and your honesty.

Putting all these together, the commitment, gift, debt and will together, you will discover love is a choice, decision and not a feeling. Dr. Myles of blessed memory made me understand one thing, he said;

In our society SEX=making love. He asked why people who wants to get intimate say “let’s make love”, Now when you want to make something, it means that thing was never therein the first place that’s why you choose to make it.

The truth is this, you cannot make love for 30/40 mins, love is so big to make within that short period of time, it is a gift of the spirit and when you don’t have it, you don’t have. It is a law given by God that’s why he said “love your neighbor as yourself” when you love yourself, you won’t hurt yourself, the same way you won’t hurt others, you won’t plot evil against them, there will be no cases of domestic violence in our society. When you love your spouse the way you love yourself, you won’t do things that will lead to divorce.

Love is a debt that you are obligated to pay, even the bible said, in John 3:16 for God so LOVE the world, that he GAVE  his son. He is so in love with his creation (HUMANS) that his son paid the debt for us.

it is a will “I will love you against all odds”. Never mistake sex for love because they are two different things.

Finally, Love is a choice, you choose to love, the same way you made a choice to love yourself despite all your short coming, it’s the same choice you make, when you finally decide to love another person. love is a commitment; you are committed to that individual, you will love and cherish them.

 

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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