QUALIFIED YET SINGLE: WHY GOOD PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS SINGLE.

It is not true that good people remains unnoticed and yes everyone does not know them (comparatively) because not everyone likes good people, not everyone wants to learn about them, not everyone is interested to become like them, not everyone wants to follow them in life because they are not enjoyable and funny.

We find most people competent, reliable, spiritual, and enjoyable yet single which brings the question WHY? WHY ARE THEY STILL SINGLE DESPITE HAVING THESE LOVELY TRAITS?

Majority of good people always put their life on hold for someone else, they tend to modify their behavior in order to please others, and they unintentionally prostitute themselves while doing that which is very unattractive. The truth is this; there is a basic law that applies to all. If you don’t work hard in life, getting lost in the crowd is inevitable.

People like to remain single, because sometimes it’s just for the best. It might be anger issues; depression, anxiety, they over think things, trust issues, and then they never believe their partner and have to follow them everywhere, like a lost puppy. You need to look deep, beyond the surface when you are trying to get committed or engage in a relationship. For some persons, they might be too busy in their lives with work or other things that are more important than finding a partner.
The truth is, different people have different reasons for being single, and they could even just be waiting for the one or the right time.

A friend once told me the reason why he is single is because he just can’t stand someone asking him none stop, where have you been?, what were you doing? Why were you talking to that guy?, Why don’t you have time for me or why don’t you want to spend time with me? Some things just need to be personal and private, plus people need personal space and I hate being bossed around and told what to do.

Everybody is unique and has his own way of perceiving the things. For some people, it maybe that the stress and hassle of dating outweighs any benefit you gain from it. Maybe they’ve dated enough to realize that it’s just not really all it’s cracked up to be. After a while, you get to realize there’s a limit to how good a relationship can be, and if that’s not good enough to justify the pain of breakup or the uncertainty of shared finances, sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancy, social pressure, and many other drawbacks, then one may just decide that he/she has been there, done that, it was all a hype.

Some discovered that, the institution of marriage itself is becoming less and less sacred today, and is seen as more of a celebration, a party, instead of a holy union between man and woman and their families. Not everybody who thinks they are “GOOD” actually is. On the other side of the coin, too much emphasis is placed on money in relationships and less on compatibility. Those who are sincere are usually ignored or tossed aside. Only once, these folks have to lick their wounds with are their eyes opened and they able to see a little bit clearer, and then a sincere person may be given a chance. Sometimes people may never see the truth.

REASON WHY PEOPLE REMAIN SINGLE

THE FEAR FACTOR: this is the number one issue. Majority of good people you see around who are single are single because of fear. Fear of commitment, fear of the future. Most people love their space, they don’t want to be answerable to anyone, they just love their space. They fear the single fact that once in commitment that aspect of their life will be breached.

ROUGH BREAKUP: Most people who had a rough breakup allow the hurt to become part of their life. They even get to a point where it seems like they have totally loss themselves somehow. The strength of what they were before now is no longer there anymore.

ACHIEVEMENT ORIENTED PROFESSIONAL LIFE: These set of people are generally passionate or deeply in love with what they want to achieve professionally. The only thing that matters to them is their professional achievement. For them life is not about living with family or having family of their own but it is about winning and enjoying the spoils of the corporate war.

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA/ABUSE: The primary reason which I find is that most of them have had a bad or abusive childhood/upbringing due to the issues among their parents/families or let’s say they have highly dysfunctional families. These people end up having that childhood trauma and while growing up to adulthood this makes them think that marriages or long term commitments lead to conflicts and/or are useless. Generally, if a father is highly controlling or egocentric or a highly narcissistic (and in some minor cases has a NPD) this affects the son and in case of a mother this will affect the daughter. In the adult phase of life, it’s very difficult for them to get married or have a lifelong partner and thus they end up being single.

TROPHIES: In many cases people want someone to be similar to their status or their outlook towards life or some people achieve something’s very early in life, now these people want a similar trophy wife or husband (partner). And since in most of the cases one partner is never enough or is never good enough, they tend to remain single and will have short term relationships.
Poor Relationship Skills: Now you could make the argument that this category and the negative personality traits category overlap, but I would argue this is its own category. This group of people (unlike the negative personality trait one) has an average to above average ability in obtaining a relationship. However people in this category have traits which prevent their relationships from being long-term (hence the reasons why they always find themselves single). This includes traits such as not communicating, being uncompromising, and emotional overreacting amongst a variety of other relationship traits that keep it short-term.

TOO PICKY: These people want a relationship, but will only settle for somebody if this somebody reaches their unreasonably high standards. Since the chances of finding somebody who fits their oddly high standards is extremely low, these people witness very prolonged periods of singleness.

PERSONAL CHOICE: Some people always want to remain single and never want to commit to anybody. This could be for a variety of reasons. It could be because some people are loners and would prefer a life of solitude.

LOW SELF-ESTEEM: These set of People don’t know much about their positive sides and think too much about their negative aspects.

HABIT OF STAYING IN ISOLATION: It is seen that people make a habit of staying alone and develop a mental territory. They find it very uncomfortable when someone tries to enter into that territory of loneliness. Sometimes that feeling of loneliness actually gives them mental relaxation.

As long as you don’t focus like a laser beam on your single status, or compare yourself with other people, you will see that your life has been pretty good so far – yes it is a bit weird. And yes maybe they may not be doing really well in the social department – dates, networking, parties, work lunches etc., but when you take a good look at why they “not doing well” there isn’t much to find about personal flaws etc.

 

Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA

Image: Stock photo

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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