Has the thought of dating a single mom ever crossed your mind? are you scared scared of what the society will say or you being a second option in her life? this article got you covered.
Sometime ago, in a group i joined online we had a little situation about single moms and the reaction the post generated why quit disappointing, a lot of people had a lot of negative things to say about single moms which prompted me into writing this article. why are men scared of dating single moms? Everything has its pros and cons and the same applies to being a single mom.
Are you thinking of closing this article? i bet you will have a whole lot to loose if you do. why not read a little further.
Dating as a single mum can be challenging. She tries balancing the issue of the new boyfriend and her kids. She naturally needs to prioritize time to her child(ren) which in turn can make a “new” partner feel excluded, or less valued. But that’s the male ego for you and men are children when it comes to this issue….lol
Being a single mum is a whole new game. You are no longer the carefree lady that goes out and comes in whenever she wants. You are now balancing the issue of your child, the baby daddy drama and the hurts that comes with your present status.
Dating a single mum is more complicated than dating a woman without kids you will all agree with me. Every good mother put her kids first. That does not mean she does not love you. You just have to remember that you have to be more respectful of her needs. Most men take to the heels when they hear “I’M A SINGLE MOM”.
Being a single mum is not a disease, yes people made a wrong decision and the result is the child but that also makes them human. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone needs help at one point in time. It’s wrong to make them feel they are like a plague in the society.
Every relationship has it good and bad side. The blessing side of dating a single mom is; she is a woman who has been through a relationship where she needed to dissolve it, for some reasons, which can be a lot more practical, she is more experienced in relationship “management” that will contribute to a better chance for the next relationship.
We have the baby daddy drama, that is to say more likely, the father will still be in the picture, he could be one of those weekend dads who pick the kid up on a Friday night. That means the ex-boyfriend/husband becomes part of your life as well as remaining in your girlfriend’s life. For most people, the mere thought of sharing their time with a new man/woman taunts them. So, they dedicate their time and well-being to their kids.
To everything that has a positive side, there is also a negative side. One of the most popular of all is the bonding between the new man and the child. The bonding part is one hell of a task. If early bonding has not “taken” properly, then later on, the “other man’s child” can become surly when they use the excuse “well, you are not my real father so what do you care? Awwch! That really hurts. Most times we try to justify the words by telling the man or ourselves, “they are kids” even though teenagers really don’t need that excuse to say hurtful stuff.
The reason why most single mom find it difficult going on dates after having a fallout with their baby daddy is, majority of the men put them in tight spot by making them to choose between the kids and them. This is totally wrong. If you claim to love me, you must as well love my kid and do not through me in a box or have me choose between the both of you because I will always choose my kid.
For every single lady out there, your kids come first before the new man in your life. I know you have a void that needs to be filled so also is your child(ren). Letting them know they are special and they come first before anything or anyone else and they can come to you for discussion or advice should be paramount to you.
For some guys, dating a single mum means, you taking a position somewhere behind her kids, the broken washing machine etc. . You end up playing step dad and raising someone else’s spawn
It is a financial burden as you inevitably end up taking the kid on trips and paying for roller coaster rides, food and birthdays.
REASON WHY YOU SHOULD NOT DATE A SINGLE MOTHER
- Do not date a single mom if you want her to see you as priority.
- Do not date single mother if you cannot support her financially.
- Do not date a single mother if you have fear of not having the time for date nights
Another fact is this, no matter how you try to paint it, you cannot separate the single fact that, the baby daddy will always be in the picture. When you get with her, she brings the ex with her. If you marry her, you marry the ex-husband too. Yes because as long as the kid(s) are there, you are marrying a total package and the earlier you realize that, the better things will work out for both parties.
Since your kid(s) are the top of your priority list, their safety should be you utmost priority if by adventure you have a little doubt of someone, it’s time to call it quit.
One important thing you must do as a single mom is; have that conversation with your child let them air their thoughts. Kids can be funny at times; they have this imaginary thought of mom and dad coming back together so they try to be protective of their mom. As a man, when you notice this kind of behavior from them, do not push hard else you will automatically be the evil-step-father. The kids will hate you, no matter what you do, because they have a father, and it’s not you. You are an intruder.
As a single mom, when you find yourself in this scenario, what you do is to have that conversation with them. Tell them, “your dad is a great man but we definitely are not coming back together. Do not paint a negative image of their dad before them. I believe when they are old enough, they will be able to understand better.
BENEFIT FOR DATING A SINGLE MOM
There are countless benefits of dating a single mom and below are some;
- Single moms are caring and selfless.
- A single mom will date you because she really likes you.
- Single moms are experienced and patient.
- You are special to her.
- She wants stability.
- Most Single moms are independent.
- Single moms are more matured than most women their age.
Dating a single mom is not as bad as the society make us see it. You just need wisdom and understanding just the same way you need wisdom in climbing to the peak of your career or scoring that dream job. One more thing; gentlemen, do not get the kids attached to you until you decided to have a life with her first. Remember single moms have difficulty making ends meet so, the least you can do is to be her support.
Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA
Image: Stock photo
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