Have you ever admired a relationship so much that when they crumble you feel like crying and you start asking why it happened?
In this article, I will answer some of those pressing questions you have. Why not read on?
Failed marriages are on the increase in our today society. The high rate of divorce is as a result of deceit in our minds, false expectation, myth and assumptions, and of course the media.
You discover a lot of people are miserable in their marriage because of their perception of what should have been and not the realities of what is happening. Do you know people are going through the exact phase you are presently and they are happy and contented? Your interpretation of that challenge you are facing is what really matters.
WHAT MAKES MARRIAGE WORK?
Majority of us will be quick to say money, love and good sex. What would you say, if i tell you that all those things listed do not make marriage work? For instance;
love never makes a marriage work. The purpose of love is to bring two people together.
Love is what makes people hurt, love are what get people disappointed. Love alone does not make marriage succeed. The society has crowded our thoughts with those little things that we now feel they are what make marriages work. What make marriage work is;
- Positive attitude: This is one of the things that make a marriage work. Your attitude is your decision. Your attitude is decided by your perception of how you see things. Do you know opportunities are usually hidden in problems?
- What makes a good marriage is not the absence of conflict but the commitment of two people to weather through it (the conflicts).
Why bad things happens to good marriage:
- Unfulfilled expectations: Expectations are not always for our benefit, they work against us sometimes as well. It’s not a bad idea to have expectations when going into marriage, but having unreasonable expectations of speed and direction is what kills relationships.
- The un-examined self: Most people think they know themselves but they forget that , there is this part of them that only people see. They cannot see it themselves. We all have that weakness we try to hide or we pretend do not exist but deep down people see it.
- Negligence: This is one of the silent killers of good marriage. Remember when you were asking her to be your better half, you always wake her up with calls, text and surprise visit but after she accepted, you all of a sudden become super busy and you never run out of excuse.
Before then, you sneak out of work to visit them but after saying I do, you start using that same job as an excuse for your strange behavior.
Ladies will dress up well, make good hair and smell nice to impress him but once married, they let themselves go and start taking the same man for granted.
Things that destroys marriage:
- When intimacy becomes a version of privacy in your marriage.
- Sex: when you turn sex into a weapon for negotiation or punishment, it destroys marriage.
- Career: This can lead to time starve in marriage if it is not well managed.
- Growth: This can lead to drifting apart if not managed properly.
I watched a movie where a woman prayed for increase for her husband and God heard her prayers and multiplied the man’s source of income immensely. The man stop having time for her, he’s now going from one country to another, from one business trip to another. It got to a point they only communicate on phone. Out of frustration, the woman cried to God to reverse back to when they had little because she wants her husband back. God answered her prayers.
You may call her wicked or you may as well say it’s just a movie but my dear, it can happen when you know the power you have in your tongue.
Relationship is a social capital that needs to be cultivated. The person you area married to should not be the only one you know and also the only friend you should have.
The key to having a successful marriage is not finding the right person but being the right person. Most people will say, I am looking for mr/miss right. The question is; are you mr/miss right?
Have you not noticed that most times hardworking and intelligent women end up with men that are not too good in terms of character, attitude etc?
You cannot always have it all in marriage, it is either you have a beautiful woman that is not intelligent or an intelligent woman without beauty. The same goes for the male folks but if peradventure you are blessed with both, count yourself lucky.
Do you know open communication destroys most of the frustration in marriages? When you communicate those things you feel is not right with your spouse, you end up strengthening your bond but when you keep them locked up in your heart, one-day it will come out in a very negative way and you will not like the outcome.
Below are questions couples should ask themselves. The purpose for these questions is to clear assumptions.
Ask your partner;
- What is like being married to me? Am I a blessing or a problem to another human?
Do you know awareness is the first step to healing? Once you are aware of the type of person you are, then you start working on self-improvement. But when you are ignorant of whom you are; you will never change because you are blinded to a part of you which people see.
- Are there areas you want me to improve? (Ask your spouse). This question takes tension away; you become partners working things out.
- What are my own frustrations that have not/ are not being met in this relationship?
- What are my expectations that have not/are not being met in this relationship?
If you can be truthful to yourselves when answering these questions, then you are on your way to having that wonderful marriage you so much desire.
Written by: JULIANA JONATHAN