Love is easy to express and some people will throw around the words to use you.  Love is how someone actually shows up in your life and treats you consistently. Spending your time, chasing men/women who don’t want a relationship with you is like chasing shadows.  Actions they say, speak louder than words but most times, we don’t listen to the actions or we pretend not to see them. The truth is; it’s not the actions that are confusing you, it is not the sex neither is it the constant hangout but what is confusing you is your feelings. By the time you realize that they being nice to you was just a girlfriend/boyfriend taste-taste, they would have gotten what they wanted and move on guilt free because they told you they never wanted a relationship.

I’ve come to an understanding, that unless they have a reason for not wanting a relationship and I mean a GOOD reason, then there is no point. They may love you, but unless they are willing to have relationship with you, then there is no point.

Sometime ago, I was in a similar situation so i totally understand your conflict. It almost seems perfect, but it just isn’t there. It feels like a void. You are given excessive joy at one moment and another moment it is taken from you. You crave for the moments when it’s given. You hang on to the words which were spoken but the reality is, trust nothing but actions. Sometimes, actions can also lie but then trust patterns.

“In my case, the pain I suffered was mostly my fault. I thought if I just loved him enough he would want to be with me and make a commitment.  But his issue was deep and he was never going to change.”

Do you know how difficult it is, despite him not ready to give you what you want, would still find it hard to consider being in a relationship with someone else when you love him and you know he loves you? I’m speaking from experience.

If they has made it clear they don’t want a relationship, you have to respect that out of love for them if nothing else. Even if there was something you could do to change their mind, would you want them getting into a relationship with you tepidly? This doesn’t mean you should “give up” on them. Just let go of the idea of a relationship with them and focus on your friendship and your love for each other. Support them, be there for them. This is for the long term, so you will grow together.  So In a situation where you’ve sense their reluctance, going on with such relationship would mean you building a relationship on a foundation of doubt. It wouldn’t go well.

Sometimes you just have to trust each other and let go and most times, it’s better than commitments ‘cause there are no insecurity, it’s a bond just made of love and trust and when people have this kind of bond, they never committed to each other, they just kept the love in their heart alive and that is how they had such a long lasting love and the relationship of nowadays are no match to them and these kinds of relationships don’t breaks up easily

Whenever you get this:

“I cannot give you a relationship, I am sorry but I can’t right now.”

Painful as these words may sound, the truth is; it is a much softer way to tell the girl/boy gently that you don’t love them as much as you think you did and most times, it is 100% true. They may say; i might have too much going on in my life to have a relationship. Either way the point is that the message is far from vague.

When they said they don’t love you enough to start a relationship, here is what it means; They do love you because you are comfortable, reliable and a safe place for them. So, don’t confuse this with being respected and valued. If you feel there is a single point of unhappiness in your heart then tell them straight up. Communicate this with them. If they are willing to give you what you are looking for then, stick around. Otherwise, break all modes of communication and give yourself a genuine chance to move on for good. One problem is we have is, we think in scarcity mode. We think “if not him/her, then where do i go”? But the truth is there are more than a few soul mates. You just got to keep looking just like you look for that one passion, one job or that one friend. I know it is not as simple as it sounds; you are the one who knows the specific details.

List below reasons why they don’t  not want a relationship:

  1. They do not want a relationship with “YOU”, due to a possible multitude of reasons which you would have to talk to them about.
  2. They would not mind having a causal relationship with ”YOU”  but not a full-fledged one, due to a possible multitude of reasons which you would have to talk to them about.
  3. Perhaps they do not “love you” as much as you think they do. That is; they are not really into you  as you might be into them.
  4. They  might have been in troubled relationships in the past and hence want some time.

Show them how much they mean to you. Show them that you will stand by them during tough times. And yes show them that your love is genuine and not fake. Give them some time to understand themselves and their feelings.

Finally, whatever decision they make, respect that. That’s the sign of pure love and maturity. Accept the harsh truth that you cannot make others feel the way you do for them and you don’t always get what you want. Remember that while we are busy making our own plans, God is busy making some bigger and better plans for us. I have been in the situation and I still consider him the love of my life. I always know from the way he was with me that he loved me. Do not force anyone to be yours and don’t even give a criticize yourself.  Our heart is very wonderful and potentially fragile. Why keep it on call for when he might decide after all that you are the one for him? Do not label life. Just enjoy the feeling of love that they makes you feel. If it’s meant to be, it will be..





I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles


Leave a Reply