Isn’t funny how people go from love to hate? Sometimes i cannot help but imagine how thin line between love and hate is. These minute you love and adore the individual and the next minute you can’t stand a sight of them. What happened to that love you once profess?
Love and hate share same level of intensity that many other emotions cannot have. Without love, there cannot be hate. Love and hate go hand in hand, reason is; they are too strong of an emotion that requires an equally strong catalyst. Even the racist, their hatred is an ideal belief about the other race that they apply equally to all members of that race. While these people are capable of horrific acts against them, they do not actually hate the person they do it to rather it is their belief which they acts on that have destroyed them emotionally.
Hate like love is an intense emotion. Hate is the result of deep emotional hurt inflicted by someone you have loved. It can only occur when you open your heart and make yourself vulnerable. It is caused by your heart and soul being betrayed. It is so strong that at times you cannot control your actions, just like love.
What brings about hate in relationship?
We all know when we love somebody we invest our emotional and physical selves in that relationship. This brings the question; Is it possible to despise someone you used to love? Yes! For that to happen, that someone has to be a true monster, someone who caused you so much pain, the kind of pain that wiped out EVERYTHING beautiful you felt for them.
One thing that turn love to hatred is EXPECTATIONS and it stem from being with a person for a certain period of time, which builds up expectations over time.
You expect that person to be the ideal partner that you have created in your mind. That is; false idea and image of whom they should be according to your expectations. Usually when those expectations are not met then starts the hate. You have known them for so long, you expect them to behave in a certain way like they are supposed to behave which also brings the feeling of entitlement. The desire to control a person can turn Love into hate quickly; you want that person to love you, you want them to act the way you want them to, you want to control them and change who they are and when you do not succeed, resentment starts building up, before you know it, you are frustrated.
Hate is the result of your frustration because you could not get them to be who YOU wanted them to be, and you finally saw who they really are after some time.
We are human. Normal love allows for mistakes, imperfection, and temporary absence. Obsessive and codependent love demands perfection only, total loyalty, and no missed anniversary cards or birthday wishes. It is the kind of love that is oppressive and not real love, it is controlling and dominance over another, with the fear ever present that they will sooner or later abandon their “love” and leave permanently or run away. Often it is a self-fulfilling prophecy because few can live under such a daily burden.
Love does not turn into hate fast, it takes long time, a lot of chances, a lot of crying and a lot of wasted time. Talking about it never ends but it is sad to say that love can turn into hate after it might have mentally and emotionally destroyed the individual involved.
Some people will say Love does not change no matter what it remains unconditional in its existence within us; only our ego creates a veil to this love within us in the form of anger, hatred, sadness and more. Have you forgotten we have expectations of reciprocation? When we feel betrayed or violated then we are likely to develop feelings of hate.
Come to think of it, we actually do not hate a stranger. We might throw a few “I hate her/him” phrases here and there but we actually never hate a person whom we do not know reason is; love is much stronger than hate.
Love and hate are both emotions of equal passion. When you love someone, you have knowingly/unknowingly given them the ultimate power to hurt you and wreck you, but you hope they would never even dream of it. But when that actually happens, you get hurt and become angry with that person for the misuse of the power. That anger and hurt together topples over to hate. However, behind that giant blob of hatred, there is monumental love, a scorned, battered, defeated love. If you can calm your mindand allow yourself to love, even when your mindwants to hate, you will live a healthier and more wonderful life.
We all know emotions quite frequently flip from one extreme to the other based on the situation. So when the love fails, and the intensity of emotion remains, there are not that many emotional vessels that can carry that amount of passion and intensity.
One of the reasons why you get hurt and start developing that feeling of hatred is because you doubled your tolerance based on your feelings; you have your hope high on “the person I love will see my sacrifice and change for me”. When you love that person so much without knowing/understanding him completely or when the person changes more than what the opposite person could bear it can build resentment and loss of respect then hate would likely come from more drastic affronts. In this case it is best to get rid of the hate part of the relationship before it eventually overpowers the love aspect and solely becomes a “hate relationship”.
Written by: Juliana Jonathan