People often ask, if your spouse is supposed to be your best friend? My answer to that question is YES! reasons are because;
- You are in love.
- You are married.
- You are together.
- You share thoughts and ideas.
In fact, a lot is going to happen to you and as life happens, the passion you feel then fade, yes because they come and go, the only thing at that point in time that would see you through the relationship is the “BEST FRIEND”
If you have a best friend as a spouse, they become your biggest fan, your biggest cheerleader; they became your biggest admirer. They are always there; they can go through the fire for you without thinking. Whenever I think of a best friend, I think of a different kind of relationship in which you have to put other friends under it absolutely.
We often hear people say, you shouldn’t discuss your relationship issue with your friends and I am totally in support of it because sometimes you may share something that occurred or something challenging in your relationship (such as a cheating spouse) with your friends and your friends may find it difficult letting it go even after you’ve resolved the issue with your spouse and moved on, they still hold the grudge; (they call it watching out for each other), and for that reason, I think ladies (most especially) should mind what they discuss with their fellow ladies concerning their relationship.
On the other hand, having one friend as an ally, in whom you can confide in, is not a bad idea because you may find yourself in a situation and you really needed to speak with someone, that’s where the role of a “Bestie” comes to play
“Years back, I found myself in a relationship that was totally against “third party” it was crazy because most times when we have issues I can’t tell it to anyone, not even my siblings. Sometimes I want to scream, I can still recall I was almost losing it. To him, he was protecting our relationship but mentally, I was losing it. I did call his treat a bluff and the relationship ended but I felt this peace within me”
You may find yourself in a situation as mine, that’s one of the reason you should have one person that can keep your secret, someone who will give you quality advice, someone who is trustworthy. The idea of your friends sharing how they would handle a situation is not a good idea because most times the ideas given by your friends can even be detrimental to your relationship, that’s why I would suggest you stay away from sharing too many personal information about your relationship with friends. Women are not like the male folks, all they want is for someone to tell them everything is okay and you are not alone.
You may find yourself facing challenges all you need is to go out there and get support, most especially when trust is betrayed, we all I look for a shoulder to lean on, when you find yourself in such predicament, I think you definitely have to talk about it by communicating. For instance, if he/she comes back and wants to discuss, that’s absolutely ok but you have to decide that’s what you want to do and then you really have to forgive. Peradventure you’re finding it difficult to let go, it’s better to seek for professional assistant.
One may ask
“my spouse for 20 years does not like my friend or a couple of your friends, is there a way you can convince them or do you just have to be comfortable with the fact that they are just oil and water and can never mix?
In this situation, I think both of you (spouse) have to be comfortable with the idea of “these are my friends” and you still love them, you still want to spend time with them and also every once a while you probably want to do things together to have that mutual respect; no big deal about that, its “OK” I will be respectful and kind to your friends when I meet them.
On the other hand, you have also have to speak with your friends about respecting your spouse, when all these are put in place, there will be some clear boundaries.
While treating the issue of your spouse not liking your friends, you have to ask questions such as
Why don’t they (spouse) like your friends?
It may be because of the way they act, dress, speak, their composure etc. I know discussing such issues at times with your spouse can be difficult because you don’t want to hurt your spouse feeling but you just have to talk about it also bearing in mind that during the conversation there is going to be back and forth. One good way to have a conversation with your spouse about your friend or their friends is to;
Make sure you know when to have the conversation and how to have it.
Do not bring up topic when he/ she is stressed/out or in a bad mood. You’ll only end up raising more dust than calming the situation.
Just put the conversation out there, do not hold it, make sure you have that conversation. I will suggest you begin with love, kindness and jokes then bring in the topic for discussion and also make sure the conversation ends with love. Always remember you hold the heart of your spouse in your hand.