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From: Anonymous 1:17 PM (0 minutes ago)
Is it Jealousy or Inferiority complex
To: Julia Jonathan

Admin help me post this, I’m a senior medical surgeon & Doctor in a central hospital in my city, been married to my husband for 3 years now, We dated for a few months and he was eager for us to get married, Was supposed to go for my doctorate degree in Canada in 2016 but because of his desire for us to get married and my family wanting me to settle down first, I had to put a pause to my studies and focus on my career and raising my family, it’s been rosy the first 18 months.

My hubby happens to be the best man for me, whenever there is an emergency at work no matter how late it is, he drives me down to make sure am safe, several occasions we have been woken up to midnight emergencies and he’s always been supportive, but as time flies and I began progressive in my career I really dunno what changed, if it’s jealousy or inferiority complex, I got a double promotion I wasn’t due for, was offered an apartment better than our house he objected, I had to convert it to allowance, the official car they gave me, he collected it while I use our initial Camry.

He nags and complains bout everything, to the point I moved my salary to his account, it got to a point he start taking my calls, just to see if am cheating on him, several time I have caught him cheating but I ignore just as ask he Bible says a wise woman builds her home, there was a time I found use condom in our bedroom he denied using it, we don’t have kids neither do we have any man else in the house that would use a condom and leave it in our room, just recently I got connected to a business partner who was willing to support my dreams and finance me with a long term loan to build my own hospital to be serviced in 50 years, it’s like a blank cheque we discussed it and he was cool.

last week I got a call from my partner who scheduled and appointment for the weekend, paid for my flight to and fro, booked a suite at Sheraton, my husband got angry why a supposed business partner be all that nice if I am not sleeping with him, Saturday midnight after the meeting he called on video call 2am told me to walk round the room which I did even to the bathroom and everywhere still he wasn’t satisfied, he hung up, I woke up to see an SMS from him saying, Since this is the path you want to chose, then be ready to quit this marriage, this is someone who has my Facebook account logged into his phone even my WhatsApp is running on his laptop, he sees all my messages on social media, emails practically everything, still he still feels am insecure.

He accuses me of sleeping around for connections and all, For heaven sake I have not cheated on him once in my life… Yesterday morning my dad and siblings all called to ask what happened that my husband said he isn’t getting married again, right now I just don’t know what to do, should I forsake my dream and career for him, what happens if he get worse, twice I had miscarriage for him he attributed it to me been promiscuous… Am losing it already…. Please help a sister…. Let my identity be anonymous please

Dear Sender.

Its a pity you are going through all these emotional drainage. You will get lots of advise from people but I want you to remember one thing, its you wearing the shoe and you know where its hurts. 70% of Nigeria men are scared of a lady’s success. You did not mention what he does for a living.

Now this is what u will do, help him build his dream while you are chasing yours. He feels insecure because you are progressing and its like he’s being left behind. Encourage him and let him know you will never cheat on him. I don’t like bringing a third party to a relationship discussion but since he already involved your family members,  what you will do is talk to them, leave the cheating aspect out of it do not start blaming each other because it will never end well when you both do. Surviving the first 5years of marriage is difficult, I have never been there but I am a witness to lots of it in the society.

Just like you said, a wise woman build her home. People will tell you to leave after all you have not given birth to a child. No my dear, do not leave because it will only drive home a negative point.

As a career lady, while chasing your dreams and visions, ask your husband what he wants and make sure you push him the same way you are pushing yourself to success.

Good luck dear.