Daily, people visit dating sites in search of love, friendship, gist partner etc. Lots of people have one time or the other found love and others have been catfish or duped. Do you know, If you are looking for love and marriage online, it is very simple to get it right, believe me! There are thousands of honest and sincere men/women who will be genuinely interested in YOU!
But after meeting a nice man/woman that seems to be right for you, how do you make sure the person you are talking to is FOR REAL.
Frankly, looking for a partner online is not any different from any other search. For instance; the search for a house, a second-hand car, or whatsoever, in one simple yet important detail: there will always be people that will try to take advantage of you.
Come to think of it; why should you trust a masked stranger?
What if I tell you that knowing something about this person can make you eventually trust them? I believe you know what good intentions feel like. That is; if you have them yourself. A misguided person can as well have good intentions, too.
Online dating is like politics, a lot of people then use a front or a public face. That’s why politics is difficult. It’s hard for a politician to act natural and still represent a diverse group of people. It’s difficult for most professionals to act natural for fear of offending a client.
I can vividly recall years back when I was working in the banking sector, my head of operation told us to always wear a plastic smile no matter what you are going through, once a customer comes in, you must set aside you worries and smile.
The perception built about dating scams can make one cautious and suspicious all the time! That is even worse. Chances are you will make the same mistakes as other guys and destroy what was a really good and honest relationship just because of being paranoid about scammers. I’ve heard people say; the best way to figure out if someone is being genuine or not would be to talk to them as much as you can. I know it’s always easier to catch people at their game in persons but in this case, your interaction happens online, are there ways to spot pretentious people in cyberspace?
What if I tell you that there are some specific signs that can make you solve the enigma of sincerity in your relationship and find out that the person you were corresponding with is not who they claim to be?
- Be wary of people who are the first ones to tell you that they would take care of everything you need. Especially when you have not known the person for a long time. You meet a person the next thing they tell you is, “I will marry you, I will take you around the world, I will be at your beck and call. Be careful about such people. They want you to feel relaxed and trust them that’s all.
- Money is a key object to know a scam. At some point they begins to ask for money frequently, they ask that it be transferred through wire services. They come up with business ideas. Remember they have already filled your mind with thoughts of marriage, now you will think you are investing in a future relationship which you already have in mind but are all lies. Most times such urgent money will be money needed to help resolve a family tragedy or arrange for a trip. (A copy of a fraudulent U.S. visa is sometimes attached to prove good intentions) or an exam or probably an interview.
- People who confide things about themselves easily. One prominent fact is that, scammers don’t really read your letters. So they do not remember what they have said or what you have written and they do not relate to the content of your letters at all and they do not answer your questions. . It’s even worse when you find loopholes in their stories. When you do, do not point out those loopholes. Let them ramble on. You will find even more evidence to support your cause.
- Things move very fast, and they falls in love with you within 1-5 letters. (You are the love of my life, where have you been all my life) Do not be fooled, those letters sent to you can be sent to anybody: “their” letters are pure monologue that becomes more and more obsessed with them professing “their love” to you and their desires to be together with you despite everything that separates you such as distance, time etc.
- They let you know from the very beginning that he/she is a student or how little they earn, including the size of their salary even though you never asked about it. They never bother to ask about the state of your finances nor will you hear them use the word neither “financially secure” in their description of a prospective partner.
- They tell you they don’t own a phone or once you start texting and they will be glad if you can get them one or that they didn’t speak English. (Paper can bear anything, you know that). If you are smart, even a phone conversation can give you more clues of what’s really going on (though people usually tend to misinterpret subtle signs excusing them by the language barrier).
- People who hate and look down on other people for reasons such as caste, race, ethnicity or colour.
For instance, there is this Facebook group I joined, (Whitemen who loves black women). One of the participant went all out calling a lady all sort of name and also saying she will always be his slave just like her forefathers. I do not know what transpired behind the scene but he saying all this in the group comment section shows how much he hate the black but i can’t help but imagine what he is doing in the group.
You do not need that kind of negativity in life. They telling you they love you and wants to settle down with you may be all lies.
- Your name usually appears only once, or does not appear at all in the correspondence they send to you. They uses “darling”, “sweetheart”, “my love” and so on instead, the truth is, they are probably afraid not to mix the names of their other victims or they are sending the same messages to all of them only changing the names. I easily get turned off when you call me such pet names when we are just getting acquainted with each other.
- They writes you almost every day (keeps sending you photos even if you did not ask for) and in his/her letters/text all they talks about is trust, honesty and sincerity.
So, you must be aware of the fact that there are some individuals out there who may try to extract from you some amounts in cash, but remember that not all pretty girls or handsome guys you meet online are swindlers. Most people looking for a love/foreign partner, met wonderful people without problems. One thing you must understand is, no one is entirely for-real all the time. We all have open and closed doors. But there are ways to gain confidence about another person’s honesty and openness.
There are lots of information online about scam and majority of them are not aware such exist. It is you who makes the choice as well as take the risk.
Enjoy but don’t get fooled.
Written by: Jonathan Juliana
Photo credit: getupwise.com, vidamora.com