STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE; LET LOVE FIND YOU.

I know love can be a crazy “machinery” to deal with at times, but keeping that aside, there must be a unique force behind your affection towards your mate, right? That’s what kept you inbound to him/her in the first place.

I know how this feels and I won’t pretend for a second that it doesn’t affect a person no matter what we try to do.  It definitely feels amazing when someone tells you that they love you, that they want to be with you regardless of all the flaws you see in yourself, that they would want to live with you forever. But it hurts when you’re the one mainly saying that and the other person just lives off your love.

In my case I came to the realization that love is not going to be there for me the way I want it. I’ve been forming a fantastical image of the ‘right guy’, pretty much aware of the fact that he doesn’t exist, and even if he did, I would probably choose a solitary life anyway.

After my heartbreak, I focused all my energy on what I truly wanted from life. I realized I wasn’t happy where I was. I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have the kind of environment I craved, and I wasn’t fulfilling my passions. I had let them rot in the pursuit of love. Even though my fairy tale resolution has not come yet, and I’m working towards one. I’m working towards doing those things I truly love in life. I think not a day goes by when I don’t daydream of having someone to share a life with, but I think of all the amazing things I can do on my own, and I try to focus on them.

I think the safest way to stay away from love is being afraid of falling in love. It isn’t great advice, but that’s for the best. Opened up your heart fully, even when you know the wounds haven’t healed yet. Try distracting yourself by talking to people, pursuing that hobby you always loved, visit those places you always wanted to visit, travel, make friends and you will see how it will work to some extent. At first you may not be too happy, but it’s temporary.

Someone may say,  it’s not possible. Generally speaking, we all know if you want something, you have to work to get it.

Right now, you believe loving  another person will make you feel at peace… in reality that is entirely draining for another person to be responsible for. Clearly, finding a partner to love is important to many people; But I will Simply suggest that you should stop making a conscious effort towards achieving this goal of yours because it seems counterproductive to me.

To some people, you may have been among the lucky ones who found love when you were very young, naive and inexperienced or you may be among the ones going round in circle searching for love and getting hurts in return.

It’s high time you stop worrying or being concerned. Things are not under your control, but are under God’s and, if you let go and Let God take care of you, knowing that He will bring you what you need when you need it, you will stop trying to fill your own empty vessels which, in fact, are not at all empty.

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The first step in figuring out your love life is to stop trying to figure out your love life. Sounds stupid right?
The truth is this; most people go about looking for a relationship without ACTUALLY MAKING A CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO CREATE A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH THEMSELVES.  Honestly we must understand the difference between NEED and WANT.

Do you WANT a relationship?

OR

Do you NEED a relationship?

Honestly speaking, it’s more of a “WANT” rather than a “NEED”. You need to work on just enjoying your own life without anyone around. The truth is;  the amount of respect you will gain from being self-contented is immense.

Most people are always in a hurry to start a new relationship when the former just ended. You broke up three or two months back and now you want another to just get over your ex, seriously? Well, sorry my friend that’s not how it should be, using someone to get over your past is not way. When someone is lonely, finding a significant other can become an obsession. Unfortunately that drive to find a partner can reek of desperation and so, the more you want to be in a relationship, the harder it is to find.

Relationships shouldn’t be nurtured to pass away your loneliness. Accepting that you are single is going to beat it. Because when you accept, you learn to look for new undiscovered avenues and be happy with whatever little you have. You should stop looking for a relationship by switching your focus to creating an enjoyable and fulfilling life for yourself.

I would suggest you find your REAL PASSION, something that drives you like nothing else does. Work towards that passion. It’s not wrong to crave for love (Don’t get me wrong)  but don’t let that desire consume you so much that you can think of nothing else. Realize you may be better off without one. Apply the philosophy “If it is meant to be, it will be,” meaning, that, if a relationship is meant to happen in your life, it will just happen, without any effort on your part. Don’t make it another person’s responsibility to make you happy, they have that responsibility for themselves as well.

At one point in time, majority of people have get to that point of desperately seeking for love, but then guess what?  Everything is not worth it. Just stop craving for romantic love, start to appreciate the love of your family and friends, and people around you. Be more focused with your goals and get closer to those people who appreciate you. Love will definitely find you in one way or another.

Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA

Image: Stock photo

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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