It’s no longer news that wedding planning in most cases ranges from traditional, civil and church wedding.
In Africa, the traditional wedding demands are so strenuous and way too much for an average man to meet up with. This is where the problems begins, you will see a family bring a list that will affect the married couple for the rest of their lives.
When you take time to calculate what’s on the list, you will be marveled at the rate our tradition is almost selling their daughters out in marriage.
Recently there was a viral post made by lady seeking advice. According to her;
Her husband earns
N70,000 (Seventy Thousand Naira) and when he came to seek for her hand in marriage, he was given a list of N580,000 (Five hundred and Eighty thousand Naira). Of cause he struggled but eventually paid the money but then vowed never to assist her family financially because according to him, they have collected all they are entitled too.
A lot of people are in this position too, carrying grudges for their in-laws and the women (wives) are at the receiving end of such grievance.
Do you know as a lady, you can play a big role in handling you marriage by what you do at your wedding?
To begin with, marriage is a work for two people and you start immediately the man asks for your hand in marriage. Your responsibility as a woman increase the moment you decide that Yes! it is time for me to marry. Before now, it was just you and your immediate family but now you have to carry both families along.
As a lady before thinking in the direction of marriage, you have to be financially independent, be financially stable or at least have a source of income. Take the case of the lady seeking for advise, she was jobless, the man in question was the sole provider in the house, in this case, the man makes all the financial decision and her opinion does not count..
As a woman ready to walk down the aisle there are several roles you need to play in planning and budgeting. The first role is,
- Be financially helpful. There is need for a woman to support her husband-to-be in certain areas when planning for the wedding. You can offer to pay for the cake, the event center etc. drop that money, you are a helpmate and it starts from the wedding preparation.
- Avoid exorbitant demand and society wedding if you cannot afford it: Yes its your big day but what happened to cut your coat according to your material? It ok to dream big but when dreaming big make sure your pocket is heavy enough to carry the cost. You must not wear gold if you cannot afford it at the moment, go for what you can afford and then in future, you can buy as much gold as you can… if you cannot do your wedding shopping outside the country; take your eyes off it. Stop stressing the man.
- Plan your wedding according to the resources available. (Even the bible said a wise woman builds her home). Never plan your wedding hoping on people to give you money, you will only be disappointed and probably run into debt.
A friend of mine once said to me;
when making plans for your wedding, avoid “My uncle will give me this; My sister will give me that”. Plan as your pocket can afford then any outside help will be a bonus.
Wedding is for the society but see marriage, this starts after the wedding and the bulk of the assignment starts the wedding and it is dependent on certain factors of the wedding. A lot of people run in to debt because they want a classy wedding, they want to wear the best designer even when they know they cannot afford it.
As ladies, our ways should be guided by principles. This is the time to sit down with your man and draw a budget of everything that will be needed. Get a market survey, think of ways to raise the money.
Most women make the mistake of taking advantage of the situation to make money for themselves. We all know times are hard, imagine a man racking his brain thinking of ways of raising money to make you his wife and you are busing looking for ways to make money out of it by adding figures. How funny can women be? Remember God called you a helpmate, you should be providing help and not giving headaches.
To be continue…………
Mrs Nora Olivia Ochor.