Is it bad not to be sad after a break up? What could be done to calm down after a break up?
People “MAY” date out of love but the ultimate goal is to be happy with your partner. Unfortunately life does not always work on our favor; people change, feelings fade, things happen and eventually people separate. Some people spend such a long time trying to feel the way they did before the relationship, to fill that void, to heal themselves and to move on but could not.
Being dumped can be a traumatic experience for anyone. Relationships are complex and difficult at times. While some people who are dumped seem to find a way to move on without much damage and drama, others who are dumped have serious emotional issues. Sometimes when you are hurt, you do not cry for that person. You deeply feel a sense that they are truly gone from your life. And a sense of relief that the person you do not love is gone forever. Some of the negative reactions to the difficult emotions that come out of the break up can seriously affect the way a person functions and the person’s ability to function in life.
Often times after break up, people really have difficulty dealing with the pain. It takes some years to get over it while some never really get over it. Finding a positive way to deal with these difficult and possibly harmful negative reactions to these feelings can help you deal with being dumped and also give you the strength to move on with your life.
Every breakup comes with its own box of baggage which include having some emotional relief of a non-viable situation or sadness of something that you would have love to see worked out in the long run but did not turn out as you wanted. It shows you did not really love the person any more. This sometimes brings about “HATRED”. Hatred is a common feeling to have after being dumped.
One common question is, Why Me?
There are various reactions associated with breakup and they varies, sometimes it may be normal because maybe you were already slowly losing feelings in the relationship or slowly breaking up before making the actual decision. Or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be in the first place and you just did it for pity or to just see how it goes.
Sometimes you see people that were dump finding it difficult expressing it emotionally. This brings the question WHY? Why can’t this person cry, shout etc. I come to realize one thing that the reason why most people find it difficult expressing their pains is because;
It may be possible that they could still be in shock.
Imagine you thinking the relationship was going along just fine and the other person in the relationship just dropped this gigantic bomb on you. You will agree with me that, you will find it difficult expressing your emotion because you are still processing what just happened. Sometimes it may be a case of delayed reaction. And they may later come back to haunt us in various forms.
You may develop anxiety which you never had before by repressing the sadness you felt while in the said relationship. It could also be physical.
I saw a movie where an expectant mum was told she would have a miscarriage in two days. She went about her duty and her friends were kind of worried for her. It was strange because they expect to see her emotional. Few days after she did loss the baby, she was very emotional then it led to depression.
BELOW ARE SOME UNHEALTHY EMOTIONS THAT ARE ASSOCIATED WITH BEING DUMPED.
- You MAY experience HATRED toward a person that has dumped you, mutual friends that disassociate with you after the break up, and anyone who may subsequently date your ex after you break up.
Dealing with hatred in a positive way is very important because this emotion has a very bad habit of being a festering emotion. If you have hatred inside, you may even be physically affected. Hatred is an awful emotion that can have severe effects. If you are consumed by this negative emotion, it is hard to live your life, move on from a broken relationship, and even go about your day to day responsibilities normally.
- Another emotion you may experience is EMBARRASSMENT. A lot of times, embarrassment stems from self-esteem issues, as well as feeling like everyone around are laughing at you.
After you have been dumped, the best way to move past feeling embarrassed is to know that you are a worthwhile person and that you are not the only person who has ever been dumped. Lift your head and know that you have great qualities that someone else will admire later on in a different relationship, and simply work on getting to know yourself and being the person you want to be. Anyone who would laugh at you after such a painful experience is not worth even wasting time to think about.
- One more emotion you may experience in the case of being dumped is SADNESS. This one will only heal after time. There is almost always regret when you are broken up with and the only cure for this emotion is taking time to let yourself heal. It is okay to Indulge in some self-pity, but not for long. Get pampered, spend a little money on yourself, and try to remember that you are a worthy human being.
Sadness will pass and you will be able to move on with your life in a positive manner. If you allow yourself to get wrapped up in sadness, you can get into a funk that is very difficult to get out of. Simply waking up and getting on with your regular routine can help you take one day at a time to your recovery.
WHAT YOU MUST DO.
- Take some time to grieve and take responsibility for your part in the breakup but you will need to accept the new reality. The sooner the better, because that is when you can focus your energy on yourself and those that are still around you. Yes the people who stick around with you through thick and thin.
- Do not waste any more energy or time on a person who gave up on you.
- Do not look back because you do not have time.
- You have an opportunity now to purse hobbies, and goals. Build new relationships or strengthen existing ones. Stop chasing people and start chasing goals.
- The sooner you accept the reality of what happen, the sooner you will be happier.
Often times when people we love the most let us down, the truth is; we cannot control that. However we have control of ourselves. No matter what seemingly negative emotions you experience after being dumped, I want you to know that there are a variety of them, the way to move past them is to react to them in the most positive way you can.
Do not let yourself down. One day at a time. The road is long and won’t be easy. So remember to not be too hard on yourself if you are having a bad day. It’s all part of the process. Believe you can be better and it will happen
This is a key to moving on with your life and living a successful and happy life.
Written by: Jonathan Juliana