Some verbal attack is just as toxic as heart attack. Have you ever imagined how you would react if those hurtful words you often use on your spouse were use exactly the same way on?

“when you abuse your partner verbally, you hurt your spouse with your words”

Effective communication in all situation is key in maintaining a healthier and successful relationship. There are rules of engagement in building and maintaining a healthy communication free of verbal abuse in your relationship. These rules bring discipline to your conflict so that you don’t further damage your relationship during the process. These rules are listed below.

  • Same team: make sure you are fighting to stay strong and not separated from each other.


  • Stay in the game: I know there are times you will hurt your spouse with your words but you are not going to get better unless you stay and work things out.


  • One play: stay on one topic until you finish then you go on to another topic. Never leave a topic halfway and jump to another. Make sure the issue is resolve then go for the next topic.


  • Listen, understand and validate. (L.U.V) be a good listener, most times people don’t listen, all they do is allow you speak while they wait to air their opinion, don’t just stare while your partner speak, make them know you understand by giving them a feedback and not just to scream. Show interest in what they are saying by nodding and always use this words while they are speaking, yes, ok etc.


  • Take a time out. Make sure you spot actions and get some space to cool your head. One of the reason for domestic violence is you not being able to know when your partner has reach his/her peak and you not being quit when the argument is getting heat up; take a time out to cool your head and then come back to it when you are cooler most especially if you are the temperamental type.


  • Win Win: when arguing, you have to think, how do we win the game as a team. It is a relationship and not a court case, it’s not like the winner of the argument will be given an award.


  • Spike the ball: when you have conflict and at the end of the day you were able to overcome, it is okay to celebrate. Go out there give yourself some treat. Go for dinner dates, clubbing etc. it’s not only on special occasion you give yourselves a good treat.

In relationships, communications have two skill streams

  • The task
  • Connection

Most people are good in the task aspect but are terrible when it comes to the connection aspect.  The connection aspect is when you move from being too professional when communicating that is; you getting out of you head and into your heart when you are talking to each other. You must always remember, its task plus connection and connection must be given a high priority most especially if you looking forward to settling down or making your relationship grow stronger. Always bear in mind that lack of connection in communication can lead to chaos torso

Arguing can be healthy in relationship if it is done the right way. Once you learn the proper communication, you will be able to take a giant step towards saving your relationship.



I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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