I kept crawling back into his little trap of lies, why can’t I just leave him be? Why does letting go have to be this hard? Is a question I keep asking myself; was it because I have pictured a happy ever after with him or maybe I just want us to be friends? My God! I just want to hate him and move on but I can’t. Maybe because I want to deal with this heart wrecking pain by being his friend. Hmmmmmmmmmm! Story of my life.
A lot of us find ourselves in this predicament. It is never a pleasant one to start with. Do you want to move on? Do you really want your ex to know you have moved on? How do you do it? How do you stick to that decision you have made? Read on let’s explore this together.
Whenever I hear people say, it is over between us, we are just friends; I nod my head and smile, it’s not as easy as you think. For some persons, once they are done with the relationship, they are done. It takes them absolute nothing to dust their feet and move on. I know you will love be as strong as these set of people. Isn’t that right?
Being friends with an ex is one of the most difficult tasks you can subject yourself to emotionally, most especially if you genuinely love them. In your heart, you keep praying they realize their mistake and come back to you. Breakup are difficult to deal with at the beginning, you may even break the no contact rule and reach out to them.
Moving on is pretty much subjective. In the first few months of your breakup, you get constant flashback of your ex which is still stuck in your head. It is never easy. For some person, it may probably take a year and half for you to move on depending on how emotionally attached you were with that individual. There is always that nostalgic feeling you get when you go to places that has memories of both of you.
People often tell themselves it’s all good, I have moved on but deep down they know the truth that they are still stuck there. So how do you know you have moved on?
- When you see him with another girl and it does not hurt you.
I once had an ex whom I really loved dearly; we parted on irreconcilable differences but we still remain friends. I could still remember whenever I see a picture of him and a girl, I always feel sad and he is the type that flaunts his lady. I was hurting silently till I made up my mind to let him go and give love a chance one more time to another person. That was when I knew yes! I have moved on.
Listen; you will be doing yourself more harm by remaining single and keeping your ex as a friend. It is best you give love a chance and then keep your friendship with your ex.
- You know that sweet butterfly feeling you always get in you belle whenever you hear their name, voice or when you get notification from him/her? When you no longer feel it, when their liking your you Instagram or Facebook picture means nothing to you, when you see it like a random person hitting the like button on your picture/post then congratulations, you have move on.
- Whenever they upload a picture, change their WhatsApp profile picture; update their status and you seeing him/her online and your heart does not skip a beat. Then you have move on.
- Remember that person was your gist partner? You are always eager to tell them how your day went, who offended you and the crazy things you did? When you no longer feel that urge to tell him about your daily activities, honey you have moved on.
- You know you have moved on when you realize how long it took you to know you deserve better than what they gave you.
- You know you have moved on when you care less about them and start picking the pieces of your life back.
- Remember how every day you pray to God to mend things between you? When you no longer pray/hope for a reconciliation,, then you have moved on.
- You know you have moved on when you visit places you normally visit together with detachment.
The healing process.
Healing is a process, it does not just happen, and sometimes you have to make it happen. Healing from heartbreak is hard because you have memories of times spent together. However, there are steps i will show you that will help you through that challenging phase.
DISTANCE YOURSELF: It will not be easy at first but you just have to give it try. Archive your previous conversation with him. I would have said delete but if you are the type that loves to keep memories, archiving the conversation will be best. Cut off all unnecessary contacts. Stop stalking him, I know it will not be easy but you will only get hurt the more if you continue.
CREATE A DISTRACTION: Distracting yourself has a way of healing your wounded heart. I’m not saying once a while you will not remember but then, once such thought creep in what do you do? They are several ways of creating distractions and they include:
- Hanging out with friends.
- Go on a trip
- Spend time with family
- Exercise regularly.
Remember, when thoughts of them come flooding in, it’s okay, that does not mean you are weak, it only mean you are human.
ACCEPTANCE: You have kept your distance, distracted yourself now it’s time for you to accept that there was nothing you could have done better to make them change their mind. It is times to accept that you were not meant to be.
GIVE IT TIME: Time heals no matter how long it takes you to recover from the heartbreak, you will eventually be at peace with yourself someday but till then, stop bothering your sweet head.
Written by: Juliana Jonathan