WHAT IS LOVE  IN RELATIONSHIP?

Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like lightening, unpredictable and irrefutable. Love is a beautiful thing to experience. For some persons, it is a nightmare, some don’t want to hear you say the word “LOVE because it has not been fair with them. The fact that it does not end well does not mean you’ve failed. Most times, we find ourselves in situations where one person is giving more than the other; it changes because it cannot be sustained and cannot be consistent for years.

                    HOW DOES ONE KNOW WHEN HE/SHE IS IN LOVE?

I often hear people say “I fell in love”; how possible is that? I don’t believe in falling in love, I believe in growing together in love. When you go through hard times and overcome them together, that is love. You just don’t fall in love. it’s not about how much you say “I LOVE YOU”, it is how you prove it. It is different from person to person. it causes pain to a few and happiness to others. Sometimes it may last for eternity. You will know the perfect definition of love for you when you feel it. Love for me is in the smallest of things. I remember having read a really beautiful article sometime back and it has formed the basis of my understanding about Love!

Love is when a person makes you see things that you didn’t notice earlier. love is when you want something for your mate spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend), more than you want for yourself”

The same way our lord Jesus Christ wanted life for us more than he wanted for himself, that is love. Their happiness becomes your priority, you always watch out for their well-being, that is what I call love. It is not selfish, it does not procrastinate, it is humble and kind. When you feel all these criteria listed above for your spouse then you know you are in love. The beauty of this word love is that it can never be defined. You can only experience it. Love takes on different forms, we can each experience love in our own way, which is why defining the term ‘love’ is so complicated.

One thing I never fail to tell people, most especially the ladies is this;

“When you hold his/her hand and you feel excited, please stay away from such fellow because he/she is obviously not the one for you, but if you hold his/her hand and you feel safe and protected then he/she is the one for you”

I often hear people say, they lost themselves while looking for love in a relationship. You may call it love but I won’t. It is more or less like you attending a party you are invited to, or you taking up a responsibility that was not meant for you. You are always giving, and never receiving, it’s like trying to hold on to something that was not meant to stay, like holding water in your palm. I’ve been there, I was a victim of such.  The truth is when such relationship ends, you blame yourself forgetting that it was never there in the first place. You blame yourself for everything that went wrong, you find yourself asking questions like;

what did I do wrong?

Where did it all go wrong?

We end up making unnecessary sacrifices, giving our all before you know it, you’ve lost yourself in the process of building a relationship. We try our best not to make the same mistake in the next relationship but end up messing it up again. The truth is it was never your fault, you were in love with the individual but they felt nothing for you, they’re just waiting for you to get fed up and leave.

It is important you love yourself above all, you can’t give what you don’t have. Most times people confuse sex for love.  For instance, I having sex with you does not mean I’m in love with you and not having sex with you does not mean I don’t love you.  For me sex is sex and love is love. One thing we should bear in mind is love make sex better. (I believe the married ones among us can testify to that) …lol. There is this deep connection that comes with having sex when both parties are truly in love with each other. You can have good sex with someone and not love the person, the equation will be well balanced when you truly love the person and also have good sex with the person.

One thing to always keep in mind when making a choice in love is to;

   “go for someone who makes your life better”

they make the bad bearable and the good great.  It is only then you’ll know you are one the right track. Most times, the pains and heartbreak we encounter is because we are not true to ourselves. Yes! You’ve been hurt but you can still get that which your heart yearns for. If you believe, all men are cheats and finding true love is like looking for pin by the sea shore, then you are definitely going to find a lot of laps, but when you go back to the manufacturer of men/women (God) and you see all that he said you can have and you believe, there you go; can have it all.

Another thing is knowing what you want. Most people don’t know what they want, you hear them say, I want them skinny and tall and while holding one to that, they see a plum lady walking by and you hear them shouting OMG!  I want that besides I never said I wanted them slim. You have to be honest with your intentions. If you want a successful relationship you have to date for your priority and not for your preference. These are two different things. Your priority may be, you need a spouse who is honest, but would prefer to have a trophy spouse.

for instant;

Most of my life I wanted a partner who was smarter than me. He should be at least, a 6’0, I prefer clean shaven or stubbles, and owns sweatpants and hoodies, neatly dressed with a great swag, but along the line, I discovered what I wanted from the beginning, was and is a true mate. Someone who wants to live out whatever life there is for us, together. The details haven’t been important. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had to learn to lookout for my preference.

I realized that I had to be more specific. He has to be attractive and desirable, yes! and he has to find me likewise, but there’s more to it than that, for compatibility.  I thought at first, as I’m sure many do, that anyone who was cute, who liked me, would work fine. Probably because most of us start out assuming that everyone is like ourselves.

Finally, i discovered that it doesn’t matter what’s on the outside but what is on the inside. You must have a common interest because common interests are the core of a successful relationship.

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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