WHAT IS LOVE?

Love means different thing to different people. To some, love itself is complicated. Love is that wave which carries you to shore in the midst of the storm. People often use the word “I love you” but deep down, they have no idea what love is. You may have experienced love (Read: known) but everyone’s experience of love is different.

While writing this piece, I took the opportunity to ask people what the word “love” means to them. I got some  disappointing responses from different people but that notwithstanding, I will say;

Love is feeling of affection you have towards someone, putting their needs first before yours.

Even the bible said; God so love the world that he “GAVE”. Love means sacrifice. When one is in love, there is this vulnerability we all have. One way or the other, we all may have fallen in love ones, twice, five times or even more. The fact that your love does not end well or because it never lasted as planned does not mean you are a failure. We know we are in true love, not from the butterflies when she/he is around, but from the pain when she/he is far away from us.

Most often, we discovered that in love, there is always one person giving more and the other  receiving. you give time, money, attention and lots more. Love changes at times most especially when it’s a long term relationship such as marriage because you cannot sustain the same level of love for so many years. It is so impossible and also exhausting.

A crush is short lived. Lust and strong physical attraction fade over time. The initial infatuation fades. It is just a strong sense of desire and attraction knowing only the superficial details about the other person. It makes you feel happy. It eventually fades with time. People often talk about love at first sight but I, personally do not believe in that (love at first sight). I believe in two people growing together in love” yes! You meet this person and he/she has all the qualities you need, the first thing that comes to mind is ”like” then gradually the love begin to grow.

Love is you wanting something for your mate (spouse/partner) more than you want for yourself” now these don’t just happen immediately you see the person but when you both gradually get to know the each other.
A lot of people all in the name of love, loss themselves in a relationship, they put everything into the other person and that typically often does not end well. Some people see sex as love. Listen, having sex with someone does not mean that person is or supposed to be in love with you.

“We can have great sex together but I may not be in love with you. For me love is love and sex is sex but love makes sex better.

The first thing to do before getting into a healthy loving relationship is to first of all,  “love yourself ” before you can give or receive love and that’s one of the problems we have most especially the female folks. Loving yourself means putting yourself first, I know it can be difficult and people will call it selfish. Loving yourself means that you respect yourself enough to take care of yourself and not allow toxic situation come into your system.

I often hear people say “love hurt” and I was among the “love hurt “ set of people…lol the truth is this, when you have real love, then you will put aside those negative thoughts you have about love. The only time love hurt is when it’s an obsession and when you become possessive. You go through your partners’ phone, check their emails to know who they are calling or chatting. Some even go as far as borrowing the title “monitoring spirit” from the devil. All the things mentioned above are the only things that make love hurt. I often tell people, what you don’t know can not hurt you.

Love is a beautifully thing so says a song writer. When you keep chasing a man or woman every time, you degrade yourself, you lose your self-respect.
I believe love is absolutely relative. When two people love each other in a relationship, they may have different beliefs about love. Sometimes those beliefs are complementary- and the people stay together; or their beliefs about love are in-congruent and their relationship usually doesn’t last very long.

Nobody wants to be alone at the same time; nobody wants to be miserable with someone. It is advisable you are happy being single than being miserable in a relationship with someone else. These days ladies hate being single, they just rush into any relationship. Ever heard people say these words;

“A piece of man is better than no man at all”?

It means I’d rather be a baby mama, a mistress whether he is married or not, I do not mind sharing. Why settle for less when you can have a whole to yourself? It good to know what you want, be true to yourself, do not allow the society define you; now that’s where self-love comes in, ask yourself, do I want a healthy relationship? Do I mind being the other woman? Do I love myself enough to give myself a treat?

If you cannot honestly answer these questions, then this is for you, if you don’t like “you”, how do you expect people out there to like you? Be comfortable in your own skin. I know that love can be unconditional, important but i want you to know that it is always possible. Love applies to everyone and it can be passed from person to person. Love is important and everyone deserves it. It does not matter what you think, i want you to know you are always loved.

 

Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA

Image: Stockphoto

 

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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