WHAT NEXT AFTER YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND/ SPOUSE CHEATED ON YOU?

A lot of things go on in our life that affects us in ways we cannot imagine. Sometimes we are the cause of all this things and when i say we are the cause, i mean there are things we can avoid yet we allow this go on in our life’s just because we are scared of losing people. The truth is; you should not be scared of losing people who are not worth to be in your life. Why value someone who does not value you?

You may still be wondering where it all went wrong. Even if there was something wrong, there was always a chance to talk about it and get it rectified. I believe that there are two kinds of people in the world;

  • People who cheat and;
  • People who don’t have the opportunity of cheating.

I also think people are basically out for conquests.

I’ve come to realize that people cheat not because they are not happy at home and are looking to fill what is missing in their life. But rather, they cheat because they want to. Whenever a cheat is caught, the first thing they say is, it’s the hand work of the devil and they would never cheat again. Fast forward to a month or two after the dust must have cleared; they go back to their normal cheating habit.

Cheaters always have this mindset that every other person is dumb and they can never be caught. They call themselves smart and game players. People cheat for various reasons but ultimately, it’s because somewhere down the line of your relationship, the core connection, the link between you both is falling apart.

When I say the core connection, I meant those things you both hold high and cherished the most in your relationship, such as;

  • You making your partner a priority
  • Your needs which includes Physical & Emotional are met.
  • You are always present for each other.

Some women and men are made for monogamy but some are just not made for it. I have friends who have more than one boyfriend and I often ask them, how do you do it? How do you cope? Funny enough, some can keep it going for a few years and some cannot even manage more than a few months without getting caught.

No matter how hard we try, we may know but may never understand why people cheat. I see cheaters as cowards. They cannot leave the person they are with and they lack confidence on themselves that they will be capable of finding someone again. They want to have best of both.

Cheating is a choice not a mistake. You have a choice to either leave your pants on or take it off. You have a choice to say NO to the person and stand by your words but you choose the easy way out; “To Cheat” so it’s a choice.

Although there are some people who have the tendency to cheat, these include the perverts, desperate man or woman who likes to flirt. These set of people have a high tendency to cheat.

WHAT NEXT?

Get the full information about what happened: Make them share with you why they did it, how it happened, why it would never happen again. With  their heart laid out for you to see, inspect and figure out what you need and how you need it.

Figure out what you want: Once you’re able to articulate what you want, the next step is to find out what your partner wants. If either one of you wants to split up, it okay. You cannot force anyone to stay in a relationship if they don’t want to.

Be patient. The journey is not going to be easy. There will be times when you will get completely demotivated and shattered, and want to give up. But good thing is, these moments will pass. So hold on.

Just as with any addiction, the quickest form of recovery is sustained abstinence.  It not the time to cry, curse and regret. Do you know every single day you spent in tears and regrets, could have been utilized to do something useful? Indulge yourself into something you love.

  • Do not talk to them regularly, for any reason.
  • Change their name in your contact list.
  • Do not always answer their call.
  • Delete their texts before you read them.
  • Avoid them completely.  If you have stuff at their place, get a friend to pick it all up.
  • Do not let insecurity creep in. it is not your fault. Life has pain, but you don’t have to suffer.  Let go into the healing process and it shall pass naturally.

I understand this would be a tough time for you, but you will get through. Trust me, you will. It will be tragic and hurtful at first, but it only gets better.

 

Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA

Image: Stock photo

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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