WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING ISSUES THAT IS CAUSING HIM/HER TO BE UNAVAILABLE/ WITHDRAWN

Are you looking for solution to that issue you are currently facing in your relationship? Is there something you are doing wrong and would want to make it right?  Do you want to want to turn around your situation and bring back that love-filled connection you once had with your significant other when you first met?

Issues here can be; busy with work, stress, anxiety, or maybe they just want out of the relationship.

Dealing with humans most times can be heart wrecking, this minutes you cannot live without them and the next minute, you regret meeting them, strange right? One way or the other, a lot of us have gone through this phase and some emerge victorious and others made peace within them and walked away.  

If I may ask, is there any better way of doing this? What are you doing wrong that needs to be corrected?

I do understand that in a relationship, having your partner withdraw on an emotional level can bring confusion, pain and frustration to you. No doubt.  Sometimes you might be the cause for it, and at other times the circumstances around them might have triggered such that action.

Whatever the case may be, the more important question is how to fix it that is if you want to. But I want you to have this at the back of your mind; the only thing you can be responsible for is your feelings and communicating such. Like the saying goes, you alone is responsible for your how u feel.

We all know women have different moment and I will use a general know word for it, we call it mood swing. For the male folks, generally, they are known to have two emotions, anger and apathy. That’s unfortunate, and the source of great frustration for their women. 

 Have you ever asked yourself; Is he apathetic because it take a lot of energy to care, and video games and TV Sports are quicker and easier distractions? He’s going to have to practice articulating his feelings. 

Relationships are complex, I get it. The joining of two different people is not always easy and things won’t be rosy and perfect all the time. A little argument now and then it allowed and most times, a little emotional distance can be okay for a period, but if it goes on for too long it creates a chasm that cannot likely be overcome. Communication between the two of you starts to reduce. This is the time you need to ask him if he needs a little space to breathe. If he says yes, allow him to be himself and be available if he needs to speak with you.

I can recall a challenge with my man, I tried making him talk to me but he was reluctant to, I even tried blackmailing him emotionally just to get him to speak and he caught me before I could even begin…lol. I felt he was keeping secret from me and maybe he does not love me. I let him be. Then one night he called me up and opened up to me what the challenge was.

Different things can make one emotionally unavailable but one way that can happen is if that person is a narcissist. Narcissists have no emotions. They are like children who, after unwrapping numerous gifts looks up and says “Is that all there is?” Sometime the narcissist will simply no longer communicate in any meaningful way. It can be frustrating you know but the painful truth is this; they (narcissist) never truly invested in the relationship. Once their “love interest” becomes ordinary or no longer provides mindless pleasure, the narcissist (depending on the person) simply disengages from the relationship, but will keep the other person as a pet so they (narcissist) won’t be alone…

WHAT TO DO YOU DO WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN THIS SCENERIO?

  • Talk, text, call, email etc. Whenever you are apart. Just because you’re not physically together; does not mean you have to be absent.
  • Cherish every moment you have together. Do as much as you can together, be it an activity, or cuddling up watching TV. Spend the free time you can, together. But remember, if he’s busy, he also needs “his time.” If you smother him every moment he’s free… he won’t be yours long.
  • Be occupied with your things, avoid negative thoughts, have faith.
  • Do not fuss over small things like you do not give me attention, you have changed just because he is busy.

Another thing is this,

When people face life’s stress, unhappiness, work, inability to cope, they were already emotionally unavailable but you never noticed. Some people cope with stress by withdrawing. When they are fully overcome that phase, they bounce back to the jovial person you know. Someone once told me, Men are never too busy to get what they want”.

Come to think of it, have you ever asked yourself, what If he is really busy for like 8–12 hours? Here are some questions you should ask yourself and be sure to give yourself a honest answer because you are the one marking your script;

  • How long have you dated?
  • Why is he so busy?
  • Are you a needy person?
  • What is your idea of “busy?” 

However, having knowledge of the answers to those questions, on this note you can draw your conclusions that is; If you require his presence more than he is capable of providing them maybe that’s the universe’s way of telling you that the two of you are not a good match for each other.

Written by: Juliana Jonathan

Photo credit: Stock photos

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I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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