I’ve always wanted to write something on this topic for some time now. I joined an online match making family and before that I have joined some online dating website. You must be wondering why I did, let me answer that pressing question. Some of us live a triangular life. We hardly have time to unwind, we hardly have time to relax and if you are the type that work six days a week, you will know why I joined the online dating sites. Before joining the site, I had high expectations such as; I will meet a prince charming and he will sweep me off my feet, I will meet my Mr. right and within a year we will be happily married. All these expectations are good, aren’t they?
Now this is the reality;
I joined the site and the matches I was given is not something to write home about, I was matched with some mean looking people sending me request and I was like; does it mean all the good looking guys are not online?….hahahahha
Sometime ago, I saw a post and it made me laugh till I was almost out of breath.
The guy said most ladies go through a guy profile before accepting his request or even replying his message. That’s so true.
In my case, when you send me a request, I go through your profile before accepting your request and if you are the kind that has this well organized profile, if it’s on Facebook, I go through your timeline to see all your activities and then I choose to accept or decline.
Did someone just ask why would I judge a person from a distance? Yes, I know it’s wrong but what happens to first impression? I’m surprised how many men put up pictures where they look a bit angry and when I come across such request, I swipe over, even if they are good looking. The same applies to a picture that is too obviously posed; it can come across as fake so I skip those as well. I wouldn’t match with someone who didn’t put a photo up either, or one who put a picture of a group of people so you don’t know who he is, that comes off that you have something to hide and a bit disingenuous.
Can I tell you a secret? The truth of the whole online dating and match making stuff is this; men look at the pictures and women read the words. Some might do a bit of both like I did in my case, of course, and some people are exceptions, but in general that seems to be the case.
The biggest “quality” of men is their commodity, am I right? And when they are online they want to relax and are forgetting to be efficient. They only want to stay there, in front of the computer and wait for women to make the first step. Even worse, they don’t bother to completely fill their profiles or just spill out a few words. Are you one of these types?
Most times when people create a profile, they fill in just anything they feel. Most times, 80% of the attention you get a on your online profile are not because of the photo. I think it’s more likely because of the content. When people read your profile, see what they believe they are reading on your profile.
What You Wrote Versus What They Think/Read
You wrote: “Just contact me, and you won’t regret it” and now what they think/read is “What?” Next Person.
You wrote: “I am the best and I am waiting for you” What they think is, “Yeah sure”. Next!.
You wrote: “if you want to know more about me just ask”. What they think is “Why I would like to know more about you? You are nobody to me.”
The problem is that you are not giving them any reason or any impulse to contact YOU. They are going through your profiles, is there any reason they should stop? Voila! You just gave them a reason “You will find more about me later” and they’re thinking “Really? Just wait for me!” Next.
The key of attracting attention of a person is to talk about them.
You are walking on the street and you saw this lady, and you really want to talk to her, what you do is first of all, compliment her beauty, her dress or smile, then you introduce yourself. The same applies to your profile online; you can do this from the very beginning by making a profile that is addressed to them.
So, be specific when saying what you are really looking for. Say the things that are most important for you. E.g. his or her Ethnicity, the age, stature etc.
Guys say something like this, “I am a serious guy, looking for a pretty woman, living in……aged 30 – 42 years. I love children so it doesn’t bother me if you are a mother.” you will make all the difference.
Ladies quit saying the “I need a God fearing man” phrase, its outdated. Everyone fears God.
When you say the right things, anybody browsing through your profile that possesses those listed criteria will stop browsing another profiles thinking: “Wow, he is looking for me” wow “she is just what I want.
You can say something about you too, but something positive and interesting. Something that would make them STOP searching. It can be “I want three things in my life: to love, to be loved and a real family.” Keep in mind that what you are looking for is more important than who you are. It is sad but true. So if you are still thinking why he/she is not responding to your message or request, you’ve got your answers now. So, improve your profile today if you want good messages in your inbox, tomorrow!
Written by: JONATHAN JULIANA
Image: Stock photo
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