Does being first mean you are the best, the winner, the one they want? Is it okay to be someone’s second choice? How does being a second choice feel? How can I stop being people’s second option.

All these we will consider in this article.

When we talk about love, be it true love or not, and finding a partner to share your life with, it does not go by first choices, second choices, or even third and fourth choices.

I have seen situations where both parties involve got married to someone else different from the one person we were expecting. Yes, it happens. In the scheme where romance is concerned, most people happen to be second or third choices. People often had former partners before they settle down to their current ones.

As we all know these days, the percentage of divorces is high, and many divorcees then go on to find new partners; some re-marry, while some choose to live together. In some cases, even the second try does not work. Yes, I believe we have seen situations like that. There are no downsides to being the first choice.  Being second means; you are none of those things.

Read: It Isn’t The Goodbye That Hurts…But The Flashback That Follows.

Most people see being a second choice as you showing signs of maturity. A friend once said; it means you are growing, accepting, and adapting to the experiences and challenges as they come your way. Hmmmmmm! Is that a good explanation?

Generally speaking, being the first choice is ideal. I believe nobody would want to feel like someone was settling for them. (I would not want someone to feel like I settled for him, either).

Love and appreciation take time to develop, as long as both parties are willing to evolve themselves. You should not devalue yourself to the extent that you accept being the other woman in a man’s life. You deserve respect but remember, it begins with you.

Is it okay to be someone’s second choice?

I know some people will want to convince themselves otherwise. Truth be told; It is not okay to be the second choice most especially to somebody who is married or someone involved with another person. Neither is it good if the person you want to be involved with is still stuck on his/her first choice?

It is not a wise thing, settling to be someone’s afterthought, background, or second choice. You will agree with me that; the feeling of being someone’s first choice is priceless. You are the first and only thought in the morning and are willing to fight to keep.

Some people will say, I will make him choose me, sweetheart, you cannot fix him. Whatever you do now will only delay the inevitable. He/she will dump you for the next person they like enough to put in the first position. You need to understand that love is not enough to hold a relationship. And one sided love has even lesser power to keep a relationship together.

In friendship, when a friend sets you in the optional consideration category in their lives well, the most sensible thing to do is to relegate them to the same optional category in your life. That means; the season for your friendship may be over, and it might be time to move on to more dependable friends and people who want to invest in their connection to you. You deserve to be first. Believe that. Do not settle for less.

How Does being a Second Feel?

Did you know that being the second choice girlfriend, you will never feel secure in that relationship? Whenever he fights with his other girl, he will come to you, make up for a brief moment then leave you hanging once again. You will always be his fallback girlfriend for freebies.

If you are the second choice girlfriend, you will also be seeking to please him to keep him or hoping that one day, you will become the first choice of his life. It will not be an equal relationship. You will become tired of just trying to please him while he gives you very little in return.

Did you know, being the second choice is heart wrecking? You will have to deal with them happily dating another person while you stand by the sideline watching everything, waiting for the opportunity to shine.

I discover that most times, we get too attached to all the wrong people. We give our heart to the most undeserving people and then regret it. It is time you live your life freely and stop being too attached.

How can I stop being people’s second option?

The human mind is complicated. Today you are someone’s topmost priority, but you wake up the next day to discover that you mean nothing to that person anymore. Most people will say; since I cannot have all of him, having half or a bit of him is ok.

Have you thought of the time and effort you will put into faking a lifestyle just because you hoped to be considered the first option? Did you know, pretending to be someone you are not simply because you want to be a priority to someone or everyone is no prudent solution? It has no long-lasting effects besides you soon will be fed up with the fake lifestyle soon.

Did you know being a second choice can ruin you? He/she will become your weakness someday. You will definitely, if not now, in the future, be filled with regrets and IF for being his second choice. Then it will not only have ruined you emotionally but also would have affected your self-confidence.

Below are few points on how to stop being a second option.

  • Make yourself your number one priority.
  • Stop being available all the time.
  • If someone wants to leave, let them. Do not hold on to a toxic relationship.
  • Stop being only a cry shoulder.
  • Let them call you.

Relationships are not a video game, and people are not video game characters. We are human, with real emotions, and should not be treated otherwise. You should never allow yourself to be somebody’s PLAN B. Appreciate yourself, love yourself. Act with confidence and socialize, make new friends. 

Do not let your insecurities get the best of you. Never settle for someone who treats you like a backup plan. No one deserves to be a backup plan. Remember the next time anyone treats you like a second option because if someone is putting you second rather than making you a priority then, you know where you stand in their life. If they always choose to pick and answer your calls, text, and always make you wait for the reply is wrong, and no one deserves this. 

Find someone who will make you a priority, and you do the same with him/her. Be with someone who does not treat this relationship business as a game but rather as something precious and lovely.

Remember that you have no control over how others think and form options. That is why I will advise you just be yourself.

Written by: Juliana Jonathan

Photo credit: Stockstutter

By admin

I’m Julia Jonathan, I write on relationships, communication and lifestyle advice. I believe there’s always room to improve no matter how incredible you think you are. If you think so too, follow me to see more inspirational stories and articles

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